Dealing with Passive-Aggressive? 3 Causes + 5 Helpful Tips to Deal with
What causes passive aggression?
There are a variety of reasons why people have passive-aggressive behavior:
1. Early experience from childhood:
They may have very strict parents when they are young. Express their unwillingness or disapproval might be not welcome in their household or even be punished. So they have learned that expressing anger and displeasure is not allowed. In order to retain their authority, they have learned to express their aggressiveness through an indirect method- Passive-aggressiveness.
2. Situational Reasons:
Someone may not behave passive-aggressively normally, but on some occasions, probably it´s easier not to have direct confrontations, or expressing their anger seems inappropriate or feels difficult. Therefore they resort to indirect ways of showing their displeasure.
3. Fear of confrontation:
Some people may worry about standing up for themselves directly because they are afraid of confrontation. A direct confrontation can cost a lot of energy and be painful for both sides. In order not to lose their relationships, they refrain from direct confrontation. However, passive-aggressive behavior can sometimes avoid confrontation, but in the long run, it’s an unhealthy and problematic way.
How to deal with people with passive-aggressive behavior?
1. recognize the patterns of their behavior
It’s important to pay more attention to a person’s behavior when you spot signs of passive aggressiveness.
If you notice someone acting passive-aggressively, try to figure out why they are behaving the way they are and think about the purpose of that behavior.
2. Don´t judge or blame them
Try to be objective and don’t judge or blame them for their passive-aggressive behavior. Don’t be aggressive towards them, as that would make them even more aggressive. Being aggressive or blaming them will make the situation worse. They will have even more difficulties or fear expressing their own needs directly when confronted with your complaints and blame. Give them some space if necessary.
3. Set Boundaries
Be aware that their behavior is their own issue. Don’t apologize or feel guilty if it’s not your fault.
Don’t give up your principles and don’t sacrifice the open nature of your communication. Don´t get involved in their own games. Don’t give in to them.
4. Establish open communication
People with passive aggressiveness may not be aware that they have trouble expressing their own needs directly. If so, you can try to build open and direct conversations with them. Try to politely ask how they really feel by saying things like, “It’s okay to say how you feel.” or “May I ask how you are?” You can also talk with them openly about your feelings. Make your expectation to be direct and open for both of you clear.
5. Limit contact
Dealing with people with passive aggressiveness can be challenging and exhausting, especially when it happens on a regular basis. If you’ve tried other methods and all aren’t working or you’re feeling emotionally drained, maybe it’s time to minimize exposure to them. See a psychologist for therapy or talk to supportive people. Remember that you should take care of your own needs first.
