Can’t reach the finish line? Maybe you’re in love.
One summer when I was a kid, I decided that my goal for those three months of academic freedom was to learn how to shuffle a card deck like a poker player. Instead of mashing them together and hoping no one noticed that the cards were still in order, I wanted to learn how to sift the cards gracefully through my fingers so that they formed a beautiful bridge and fell together in one, perfectly shuffled pile. This was a big goal, and I was ready to devote my entire summer to it.
On the first day of my mission, I sat at my parent’s coffee table with a deck of cards in my hands, ready for a three-month battle with my card shuffling nemesis. I was determined to persevere, no matter how long it took or how frustrated I became. I would be the envy of all my friends when we returned to school and sat down at lunch to play Go Fish.
Well, it turns out that shuffling a deck of cards isn’t as hard as the pros make it look. Here I was, ready to devote my entire summer vacation to this one goal, and I’d achieved it in an hour. Where was the tug-of-war with my willpower? Why hadn’t my fingers started bleeding and my mind grown weak? How come I hadn’t had an existential crisis and questioned the meaning of life, as I hit rock bottom in trying to make the cards succumb to my wishes? With this goal, I was ready for battle, and it had let me down.
Goals naturally come with timelines. The problem is that we often set goals we have never achieved before and, because of that, we have no idea what these timelines will be. In my mind, shuffling a deck of cards as a child was as daunting of a goal as becoming a bestselling author is for me today. Now that I’m older and have more perspective, it’s a very fanciful dream that my writing success can be found after a few hours at the coffee table, but I can always hope.
Success-driven goals can be hard to map out and plan for. While I knew that a certain number of hours of practice would make me an adept card shuffler, I can’t predict for how long I will need to plug away at writing before I get my big break. I could write for years and never sell one more book. Or, tomorrow, I could accidentally bump into J.K. Rowling while jotting down thoughts on a napkin, my writing soaring to Harry Potter fame. Unfortunately, such events are hard to plan for.
Unlike skill-driven goals, success-driven goals are personally defined. We all know what it looks like to achieve a card shuffling goal. But, what does achieving success as an author look like? For some, it may be putting words on the page every day, regardless of if they’re ever read. For me, it’s making sure I make a name for myself in the writing world so that my work is read by as many people as possible.
The problem is that my success-driven goal isn’t linked to the activity I’m pursuing. No matter how much I write, I won’t realize success as an author unless people read my work and like it. It’s like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every day and hoping it will taste like roast beef. There’s no telling how long it will take for this bit of magic to occur, and who knows if it ever will.
The other reason why success-driven goals are hard to plan for is because our definitions of success are always changing. It’s natural to want bigger and better goals as we grow up and explore the world. This is a great thing, as I’m glad I’m not still setting my sights on mastering card tricks when determining my most ambitious goals.
When it comes to writing though, I have an itch in the back of my stomach telling me that I’ll never reach the end of my timeline. As I keep working, my standards keep getting higher. When I published my first book, I looked ahead to the second. When the second was complete, I could think of nothing other than than the third.
Maybe it’s not that I’m ungrateful and don’t appreciate how far I’ve come, but that I secretly don’t ever want to reach the finish line. I love writing. When I learned how to shuffle a deck of cards that first summer day, I put my cards away in a drawer and moved on to bigger and better things. I don’t want to move on from writing. By being always in the pursuit of a goal that’s out of my grasp, I give myself a reason to continue to devote myself to an activity that I love.
So, if your goals are taking longer than expected to achieve, ask yourself if you are really looking for the finish line anyway. Do you keep moving it back as you get closer to it? Always increasing your standards and expectations to keep yourself motivated towards greater success? Instead of being a sign of failure, taking a long time to achieve a goal may be a sign of love. And love is worth a lifetime.
If you’re ready to jumpstart your next goal, pick up my free “Goal Setting Guide” here or at dianafitts.com/guide
