I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

— Michael Jordan

We all have dreams of what we want to do. Whether it’s the dream job, the dream vacation, the dream house, the dream family or just the dream of being rich and being able to do everything (or nothing), the majority of us live in the imperfect present while fantasizing about the flawless future.

However, for many of us, that’s where it ends. It’s much easier to think and talk about what we would do rather than try to do it. Dreaming without trying is safe. It’s harmless. Trying and failing scares us. We are comfortable. We’ve worked to create a seemingly perfect balance in our lives and any disruption to that balance — personal or professional, positive or negative — will upset that balance and force us to readjust and reevaluate everything.

What if we finally try to do what we’ve always wanted? Even worse, what if we succeed only to realize it’s not what we wanted at all? Wouldn’t that mean that our entire worldview was incorrect?

Before you stop reading because you think this is just motivational bullshit that can be printed on a card and shared on Instagram, allow me to list the ways that I’ve failed in the past twenty years.

In high school, I:

• asked my biggest crush up to that point to the winter formal. She rejected me through a mutual friend
• totaled my first car less than two months after receiving my driver’s license
• failed to play a single minute for the varsity basketball team as a junior
• lost a male beauty pageant
• hardly played for the varsity basketball team of which I was a captain as a senior
• released an awful rap “album” that was recorded in a bedroom that I’ll never listen to again
• watched my senior prom date sleep with my friend in front of me and then drove her home
• nearly killed my dream girl, my junior prom date a year before, when I totaled another car
• had my parents tell me I disappointed them
• failed to lose my virginity, even though I desperately wanted to and had the opportunity to do so.

I failed to get accepted at the top school on my list and chose a private, expensive university that was an hour from home over a larger, more recognizable, possibly better school several states away. While this isn’t a failure (I adore my alma mater), it does show my own hesitancy to leave a certain comfort zone.

I walked onto campus and began pursuing my dream job: becoming a lead anchor on ESPN’s SportsCenter. By the end of my freshman year, that was a fading memory. By senior year, I was teaching SAT courses and making plans to become a college professor.

My current career couldn’t be farther from either of those.

In the twelve years since graduating from college, I’ve:

• failed to secure any meaningful employment while living on the opposite coast for a summer
• worked as a temp. because my college major has no practical application
• applied, enrolled, and, within six weeks, dropped out of the graduate program that I had pursued for two years
• received numerous rejection letters from literary agents
• received numerous rejection letters from record labels
• worked with people far less educated that made far more money than I
• been late on my rent
• liquidated my retirement accounts to spend on frivolousness
• turned a friend into a roommate into an enemy
• been repeatedly asked by my mother if I’m gay
• worked pro bono as an A&R for a record label that failed
• been placed on probation for poor grades during business school
• failed to receive a promotion for which I was the only candidate
• had a headhunter tell me to stop looking for better jobs and be happy I was employed at all
• been expelled from a core group of friends
• failed to capitalize on possibly life-changing opportunities, both personally and professionally
• been humiliated and belittled by a woman I unrequitedly loved
• contemplated suicide but have been too cowardly to follow through
• made an awkward, clumsy, and ultimately unsuccessful pass at my former supervisor
• created two alternative twitter accounts (like this) that failed
• gotten so fat that I’ve broken seats and can’t fit into certain places
• lost hundreds, possibly thousands, of dollars playing the stock market
• been rejected by hundreds of women
• been rejected for hundreds of jobs
• done things that I will regret for the rest of my life

When I was 14, if I had read the lists above, I would have become depressed and given up. The concept of those girls turning me down or those record executives rejecting me or bosses reprimanding me would have prevented me from even trying any of those things.

Until today, I never really thought of these instances as failures. They’re just scars and wrinkles from living. I’m not sure about soulmates, but all those rejections led to me a wife that’s far out of my league and a daughter that makes me happy to be alive. I went from a history major with no skills that no self-respecting company would touch to a finance MBA working for a multinational corporation in the top twenty of the Fortune 100. I’ve turned down jobs that I previously dreamed about. I’m about to purchase a second house. I’ve had women that rejected me in the past tell me they made a mistake. I’ve published six books without a literary agent. I’ve written pieces that have been read by famous people. I’ve been complimented by people that are leaders in their fields.

Of course, this isn’t the end. There’s more failure on the way. Some of it I can anticipate, and some of it will catch me by surprise, but I know it’s out there, patiently waiting. I’ll be prepared for it, though, because I’ve imagined and dreaded those failures for years. My mind has an incredibly detailed and realistic imagination of what failure will feel like and I’ve learned, through twenty years of failing, that nothing in reality can remotely compare to that.

Christopher Pierznik is the author of six books, including Publish Your Book for FREE! His books can be purchased in Paperback, Kindle, and Nook. A former feature contributor and managing editor of I Hate JJ Redick, he has also written for XXL, Please Don’t Stare, Amusing My Bouche, Reading & Writing is for Dumb People, and others. He works in finance and spends his evenings changing diapers and drinking craft beer. He once applied to be a cast member on The Real World, but was rejected. You can like his Facebook page here, follow him on Twitter here, and read more of his work here.