There is a myth in corporate America that your local human resources representative is an agent of doom who is ready to fire you at the first sight of a dress code violation.

The truth is, I was your HR lady and I just wanted to channel my inner Lisa Vanderpump and throw a cash-money holiday party with sugar cookies, mini hot dogs wrapped in Pillsbury croissants, and a side of RumChata.

Forget the secret Santa gift exchange. Forget the charity donations to the troops. At this point in the year, almost every human resources lady is dog-fucking-tired. She had a long year. And she just wants one night where everyone has a good time and nobody does anything stupid.

(She sounds like your mom.)

And just like your mom, there is always one chump who ruins her plans.

1. There’s the guy who did a missionary trip to Haiti back in ‘86 and objects to the secularization of Christmas. He wants your local HR lady to remind everyone that Jesus is the reason for the season.
2. There is the neo-liberal who doesn’t care for the religiosity of the season but demands a white elephant gift exchange. (New limit for this year is $25 because the economy is growing under Obama.)
3. Some moron wants another ugly Christmas sweater contest.
4. Another person complains about a lack of gluten-free options at the holiday potluck.
5. Some guy always wants to clarify—If I attend the holiday party and I slip and fall, is it covered by workers compensation?
6. Your chief legal counsel wants HR to stand outside of the holiday party that they planned, check IDs, and hand out drink tickets.
7. And there is always that one colleague who wants to make sure that everyone at your company knows she’s an atheist.

Ugh. The office holiday party can’t be all things to all people. And apparently it can’t even be fun for the HR lady who has to plan it.

But there is one thing you can remember about Christmas parties and the entire holiday season in general: it’s voluntary.

No one gets ostracized for skipping an ornament exchange. Nobody gets fired for missing a holiday party or declining to wear a fugly Christmas sweater. And nobody needs to put pressure on the local HR lady to include a nativity scene, a menorah, and a big set of Kwanzaa candles in the lobby.

The workforce is full of adults who are free to make choices. Yes, adulthood comes with complex relationships and responsibilities. Yes, there might be pressure in your office to participate in a holiday celebration and have a good time. But you can always find a polite and thoughtful way to say no.

Just be nice about expressing your feelings, and then get back to work.

It’s almost the end of the year and everyone—including your HR lady—deserves a break.