A Parent is A Parent
Babies, the cute, crying things everyone seems to want. A mom, dad and two perfect children has been many people’s goals in life from a young age. But things happen and some people don’t want those children while people who do can’t have them. So to fix this, adoption agencies were created. Couples without children could have them and children needing homes would get them. Now in 2019 there are many versions of a perfect family, a mom and a mom or a dad and a dad. The same feeling that of wanting a child goes around with everyone, but for couples of the same sex, there are few to no ways for them to conceive a baby on their own so those couples turn to adoption. Although until recently there was many rules in place to keep LGBTQ couples from providing homes to the children without one. Even with the change in laws it is still very difficult for them to adopt, and they have many hoops to jump through first.
One of the hoops they had to jump though was that until 2015 same-sex marriage was still illegal in many states. Most states require adoptive parents to be married so until the laws on same sex marriage changed it was nearly impossible for them to adopt (What to Know About the History of Same-Sex Adoption). But when same-sex marriage became legal in all states there was one less thing keeping them from adopting.
When the law was changed to allow same-sex marriage many states such as Mississippi tried to create new laws to make it even harder for LGBTQ couples to adopt. They wanted specific laws banning any LGBTQ person, married or single, from adopting a child (What to Know About the History of Same-Sex Adoption). Although in 2016 a federal judge ruled in favor of blocking those laws, taking down another hoop. Now in 2019 there is only one law that keeps same-sex couples from adopting.
Religious exemption laws allow for any foster care system that claims to be faith based to deny LGBTQ adopters to be immediately turned down (Religious Exemption Laws Exacerbation Foster and Adoption ‘crisis’ Report Finds). While these organizations may be faith based most are funded in some part by the government. So why when these organizations are funded by the government are they allowed to go against the law? Well the religious exemption law protects them from having to conform, and in February of this year President Trump promised to protect their values and beliefs. In a Washington Post article President Trump, promised that his administration would be working to make sure that the faith based organizations could keep “helping vulnerable children find their forever families while following their deeply held beliefs.” (Trump just promised to help religious adoption agencies that won’t work with gay parents. Here’s what he could do.).
For Christian Soletti and his husband adoption wasn’t easy, they waited 15 months for the chance to become parents. In his blog titled “Love Makes A Family” he talks about their struggles with the system and about how other LGBTQ couples have struggled with society after adopting. He described his own experience as a “second job” and asked “If our parents had to do all of this work, would we be here today?” And then when talking about other parents experiences after adoption he says that some parents carry their marriage and birth certificates with them. This is to help if they are questioned about being the child’s true parents, which happens often. No one would ever go up to a man and a woman and ask them to prove that the child they were with was theirs, no matter if the child looked like them or not.
While many things have changed for the better there is still a long way to go. LGBTQ parents still face discrimination, daily, and questions about whether or not they deserve to be parents. The even bigger problem comes when they have to try so hard just to adopt the child in the first place. Even though the laws have changed the hoops are still there for them to have to jump through. There are some areas that only have faith based adoption agencies that can turn the perspective parents down at the first sight of them. We need to start asking ourselves what would we do if we were in their shoes? Would we fight so hard to have the love of children? Would we question whether or not a couples child was really theirs?
The golden rule says “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (The Golden Rule). In simplest terms it says be kind to all, even if we don’t agree with things that they do or the way they choose to live their lives. So as a society we need to choose to be kind and do unto others as you would have them to unto you. No one should be denied the basic right to have a child if they want to. Let’s make the change and make it easier for LGBTQ couples to become a family.
“The Golden Rule.” Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, www.iep.utm.edu/goldrule/.
“LGBT Adoption.” Ergobaby Blog, 8 Oct. 2018, ergobaby.com/blog/2017/11/lgbt-adoption/
“Religious Exemption Laws Exacerbating Foster and Adoption ‘Crisis,’ Report Finds.” NBCNews.com, NBCUniversal News Group, www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/religious-exemption-laws-exacerbating-foster-adoption-crisis-report-finds-n939326.
“What to Know About the History of Same-Sex Adoption.” Considering Adoption, consideringadoption.com/adopting/can-same-sex-couples-adopt/history-of-same-sex-adoption.
Zauzmer, Julie, and Sarah Pulliam Bailey. “Trump Just Promised to Help Religious Adoption Agencies That Won’t Work with Gay Parents. Here’s What He Could Do.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 7 Feb. 2019,
