Do You Have a Third Place?
If not, then maybe 2024 is the year to find one!
I recently watched a YouTube video titled "Hip Hop is Not Dying.. The World is" by a creator named Pat Cc. In it, he brings up a lot of interesting points about music, but it's this portion towards the end of the video that really stuck with me:
Most of us don't really have a third place. Think of your home as your first place where you spend most of your time, and then work or school as your second place. Where's your third place? A home away from home where people feel comfortable and at ease. A place where you can pop in and out with little or no money. Coffee shops, barbershops, pubs, plazas, recreational spaces, YMCAs, parks, record shops, skate parks. Hang out spots where we would bump into acquaintances, interact with strangers, and build a sense of community.
Prior to this, Pat mentions several statistics that are worrisome, but not altogether surprising. Like this one:
When I originally conceived this Humanhood publication, the first post I'd considered writing was one about loneliness and what an epidemic it is (especially amongst young men, and men in general). I'll still tackle that in more detail, but this idea of a "third place" was something I wanted to get out there.
I personally barely have a second place, since I work mostly remotely. I suspect that's the case for a lot of people reading this. My company does have an office space that I could visit every day if I wanted to, but I've been a remote worker since March of 2016 and it's hard to push myself back into commutes, parking, and the related time/expense.
And I know this past year saw a lot of people getting laid off (myself included). So that would be another reason why lots of people don't have a second place. Let's not forget that millions of people in North America (and certainly worldwide, including war zones) don't have a true first place.
But for the sake of this post let's assume the best case scenario where people have a home they're happy in, and a job they can go to in order to interact with humans in real life. That's where it stops for a lot of people. And I think that's a huge problem.
In some cases, people simply don't feel like they have the time to do such things, with work and family often taking up a lot of it. Then of course there's the money aspect. I don't know about you, but where I live (not far from Vancouver, British Columbia), shit is expensive. And having moved here in 2020, in my 40s, it's been hard making friends that I would feel comfortable doing such things with.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am blessed to have an amazing wife and spectacular kids. I don't take that for granted. But outside of this house, it's hard to make genuine connections. The pandemic in 2020 led a lot of us inward, and online. And we got comfortable with that, somehow not realizing that the dissatisfaction and depression many of us feel is directly tied to the fact that we're just lonely.
Nothing beats spending time in real-life with people you care about and who care about you. Sometimes, it doesn't even matter what you're doing. Just that you're together. Talking. Laughing. Telling stories. Reading body language. Connecting.
This year, one of my goals is to find a third place. I spend a lot of time online for my job and for hobbies (like this one). But these are no substitute for physically going somewhere that has other people who are peopling.
Maybe that's joining a men's basketball league.
Or trying my hand at stand-up comedy again (I had a brief stint in my 20s).
Or finding poetry nights.
Or a book club.
Who knows! I just know that it's time to break out of my shell and go looking for it, because it's not likely to just fall in my lap.
So I'll leave you with the question I asked at the beginning: do you have a third place?
