Humor: When My House Become A Jungle of Many Belief System
[ Me, My Wife, Children, and Relatives is a creative serialization of articles that aims at incorporating humor and sarcasm to spread the ideals of reason, science, humanism, Atheism and skepticism.]
This world has many wonders! From the day I decided to specialize in one woman (marriage), I have come across some hidden wonders of this globe. First, I came across in-laws who were determined to mold my head think backward- like in Stone Age era- with their traditional minds. They let it known to me that if I had the intention of marrying their daughter, then I had to be taught some little practices prescribed by their traditions as expected in some African tribes. They claimed by abiding to their prescriptions, I would become a good husband- who would receive blessings from the ancestors of their community!
On the day I visited them in their rural home to announce my marriage intentions, the old in-laws took me aside to test if I was ready to follow their traditional practices before their daughter came to stay my house as a wife. To start with, they gave me a certain kind of bitter herb to drink. They claimed this would protect me and their daughter from certain kinds of bad luck brought about by evil spirits. Next, they called someone they told me was the best witchdoctor in the area. He looked funny and muttered things I couldn’t understand. He then did some little somersaults and threw some beads on the ground- which he claimed were to confirm if I was the right husband for the daughter of their clan. Afterward, he declared I was the one though I don’t know how he was sure about that. These kinds of things seemed mysterious to me. Moreover, I wondered if all married men in this clan passed through the same test when they were marrying women from the clan. The practice was much unreason to me. But all in all, I had no option but to go by their ultimatum.
Secondly, my wife who happens to be their daughter is not traditional in thinking. She is a modern woman who will never survive in the absence of lipsticks, mirror and some other things that she thinks if she wear on her face makes me crazy. We love each other so much but the problem comes that we believe in different things about this world. She is a total believer in someone called Jesus Christ. She believes that if you cannot accept this Jesus as your personal savior, then you don’t deserve to stay in this earth. She also happen to believe that this material world was created by mere words of a supernatural being called God. She says that if you cannot accept that, then you don’t even deserve to exist in this universe in the first place. Moreover, she believes that life in this world is useless since there is another world called heaven. She further elaborates to me that everyone inside this place called heaven is driving a posh car, live in real estates and guarded by angels since they obeyed every word written in a book called the bible. She persists that in that world, people live without going to work because dollars are plenty and provided freely by this Jesus Christ. Finally, she has advised me that if I am interested in that world, I should not cheat on her with other women and should also seek her religion and accept this Jesus. But when I ask her whether she has tangible evidence to prove that the world she talks about exists, she just says “Believe and it will be there!” Wow! Wonders of this world will never end.
If you think my wife is crazy, you should know my elder son. He has grown his hair long and they have never been combed for seven years now. Those hairs have grown long and formed ropes that can tether a bull. When I inquire whether he is insane, he simply opens his mouth wide and shouts “Jah Rastafarian”. This has made me conclude several times that my son is mad. I simply don’t understand those words. My attempts to inquire more from him have always proved futile and before am through; he always open his loud mouth again and shout! “Hailessallasei! The first Jah! The conquering Lion in the tribe of Judah! His majesty”. Those words combined make me think my son’s skull is being destroyed by the marijuana he smokes. Surprisingly enough, he has already explained to me that marijuana or the weed is holy according to what he calls Rastafarian philosophy. He severally told me that if marijuana were not in this world, black man revolution would never have occurred in the first place. For that matter, I have been left with no option because I cannot deny him his freedom: when I do that, he will accuse me of violating human rights.
Fourth, my daughter is in her second year at the university. I don’t know what happened to her because recently, she left the religion her mother had influenced her to join since childhood and Joined Islam. She claims is true and that the religion has come to save the sons and daughter of this earth. The difference between her religion and that of her mother has to do with who is superior between this Jesus Christ and someone called Mohammed. Her mother is sure that Christ was a son of a supernatural being who was never brought on this earth through the process of fertilization; — but through something she calls Holy Spirit. She also knows that no one will ever go to that world called heaven without association with Christ. This is unlike the religion of my daughter that believes that you must be aware that Mohammed is the only link to a supernatural being called God. They are not aware of someone called Jesus Christ as the son of God but simply a prophet. My daughter is so passionate about this religion and I don’t know whether she might suicide bomb her mother, in what she calls jihad holy war, if at all her mother insist that her religion is fake. Am also not sure whether members of my house will start preparing to combat terrorism if my daughter becomes astray about her new religion.
To be continued
George Ongere is the Executive Director Center For Inquiry/ Kenya.
*Views expressed do not represent the official position of CFI*
