Own Your Fear
In the beginning there was FEAR. Did you gain control over yours or is it still running your life?
In the beginning there was FEAR. As primitive human beings we were afraid of Nature which threatened our survival as specie. As individuals we were all — at one time or another — afraid of abandonment. For some of us, the fear never stopped. It still has us firmly in its grip.
The fear of losing the love or approval of a person, what is, what we have is — for many of us — stronger than the hope for what could be.
“Often we lose our identity trying to please or placate others.” Mary Manin Morrissey
It is stopping us from finding and pursuing our calling; preventing us from living as opposed to surviving.
As societies and as individuals, whenever we feel threatened by the very prospect of loss we cling to what is and to each other. Many of us live in a survival mode. The survival mode compels us to preserve and defend what is. We gladly sacrifice ourselves to save what is. Survival mode is focused on the here and now, it doesn’t allow us to form, have, leave alone pursue a vision of the future which may — or may not — include what is, right now.
Just like our primitive ancestors worshiped idols and made sacrifices to appease powers beyond their control, as individuals we too often worship people and sacrifice our lives, prospects and identities to appease our personal status quo.
Since in situations like these emotion and not rationality rules, the commitment to appease in order to survive is frequently stronger than reason. We form alliances we would otherwise not form. We focus on preserving and don’t allow ourselves to think or dare beyond the present.
“Fear is stupid. So are regrets.” Marilyn Monroe
And then there are others who don’t surrender to fear; who don’t seem to care; who force themselves to walk through fear. These brave people don’t appease. They confront fear and forge forward prepared to lose what is in anticipation of what can be. Some of these brave souls perish. Some survive and thrive. None grow old without having lived.
“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” Marcus Aurelius
Some of our greatest allies might have ulterior motifs. They may not be sinister. They may be based on their fears. They may be self-serving or self-preserving. They may support the person’s need to control you or protect your relationship. (That’s very true of a single parent raising a child alone. A parent to whom the child represents the whole world can be possessive and fearful; single parents can sabotage their child’s growth, independence and the need to eventually separate.)
To be beholden to fear is bad. But to be beholden to someone else’s fear is worse.
Appeasing or earning approval can take a lifetime. Preserving and defending what is? The value you’re preserving is declining as we speak. The greatest loss? Your life! There is no life, only time. The time you are sacrificing for the “greater good” is your only opportunity to live.
The day will eventually come when you look back at your life and ask yourself: what purpose or whom did you serve? If you spent a lifetime surviving and / or earning approval, did you live at all? Did you find your calling? Did you ever live for YOU?
“An exciting and inspiring future awaits you beyond the noise in your mind, beyond the guilt, doubt, fear, shame, insecurity and heaviness of the past you carry around.” Debbie Ford
If the answer is “no”, sadly, you are not alone. With that said, even if time is scarce and the shadow of fear still hangs over you: DARE, now!
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?” Mary Manin Morrissey
Stare fear in the face. Consider potential losses. Shore up. Consider possible wins. Consider how your wins could benefit you and those you love. And then: WALK AWAY!!! No matter who says what: KEEP ON WALKING!
This may well be your last opportunity. Take it! Create your own world. It may be everything you ever dreamed of. It may be less or more. But: IT WILL BE YOURS. It will validate you. You’ll be the one in charge. You’ll have a life.
The familiar good or bad, even hell, brings us some degree of comfort. The unknown is scarier. It is new, it may be challenging, BUT it may also be BETTER than what you live and better than what you have right now.
Love is a beautiful thing. Love makes life worth living. NEVER forget that love can also be demoralizing and disempowering. Don’t let other people’s fears stand in your way. Their fears are their responsibility. Not yours. You are not a property that can be owned, manipulated or managed. You are a fully-charged bundle of potential. You are entitled to your own choices, pursuits, mistakes and victories.
Now, start walking and don’t look for excuses. There aren’t any. The clock of your life is ticking.
“The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.” Brian Tracy
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Dale Carnegie
Own Your Fear is one of a series of articles on feelings that impede our growth and rob us of joy. Feelings often own us. Each of the articles in this series addresses one feeling with the aim of helping you take charge and Own Your Feelings. We are here to learn, grow, succeed and be happy. No excess baggage should prevent us from living fully. Own Your Fear, Own Your Life!
Sturm Enrich is a polymath: author, speaker, alternative healer, inventor of the Leveraged Pain Release Therapy, guided meditation expert, personal development coach and Humanist Reverend.
If you like her work, get in touch! If you happen to live in Greater Los Angeles area, come to one of her events and meet her in person!
