Scared and Stiff
Left puzzled in the dark
Have you ever noticed that when you have a problem, or if there is something wrong with you, what the first thing is that people say to you?
I was surprised at the amount of advice you get that you never asked for. I wondered if it was actual advice people wanted to give, or if it was just a a form of politeness to keep the conversation going. Because truth be told, none of the people I asked had a medical degree, but they all did have a medical solution. Strange…
For me the fist time I noticed this social phenomenon was when first my feet, and then my hands started to get stiffer and more painful to move. Medical tests and several rheumatology appointments concluded arthritis. Sadly chronic, but more of a nuisance at that point in time.
I started doing my own research what the condition entailed, and I found that talking to as many people who would listen, helped me get more insight to the rumbling thoughts that were rolling through my mind.
But as always with people who listen, they also start talking back. And that is where I found this interesting social phenomenon that intrigued me. And at first I did not know what to do with this new form of contact.
Should I follow every tip these new found experts gave me, was there any truth in their diagnosis that could cure me?
I decided to write these down in my notebook, so I could see them all together and try to decipher if I can find the truth in all of them or find a pattern to help me find the next piece of the puzzle.
As it turns out, everyone knows someone who also has arthritis, and after they did “bla bla bla” or did “yek yek yek” it got a bit better for them.
After a year of doing my own research, and trying to see if any of my wisdom gurus had any truth in them, I was called in to the hospital for my yearly check up. Still none of the advice given to me has made a difference so far. The medical practitioners; known among themselves as the Gods in White, told me that the time to start low dose MTX (diluted chemo as it turned out when I read between the lines of the very poor put together hospital folder) to halt further progression before irreversible damage is done. Which is ironic since the expected liver failure that causes permanent death also sounds pretty irreversible…
After all this news I went back to my self taught council of medical masterminds to ask them what the right course of action should be. But strangely the barrage of advice stopped.
When I casually asked them: “Should I take a heavy drug to halt my disease at the cost of possible side effects in the long term while knowing that instead doing nothing might just be as harmful because the disease has free play”, it suddenly got quiet at the other end of the conversation.
Just as in the doctors office where they half tell you the whole story of the side effects that make you want to run straight out of the office, I had to look between the pictures shown to me by the Gods in White and my fellow conversationalists to see the real picture they weren’t telling me:
When your problems aren’t too serious and complex people tell you the fist solution that comes to their mind, even if it’s a nonsense solution.
But when it gets real serious real fast, you have to figure it out for yourself, because they don’t want to be held responsible.
In the end it’s them that are scared stiff-less, and you are still left puzzled in the dark.
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