Is My Long-Distance Relationship Doomed?
5 Simple Tips to Strengthen Your Relationships
“According to multiple studies, the key to successful LDRR comes down to three factors: clear communication structure, clear expectations, and having mutual goals.” -Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn
Though your mileage may be widespread, this doesn’t necessarily mean that your love is doomed. A lot has changed over the years, including technological advancements that make Long Distance Romantic Relationships (LDRR) more likely to succeed.
While I’m not a love guru, I interviewed over 20 therapists and relationship experts about bridging the distance. Nearly everyone mentioned the importance of communication.
Here are 5 simple tips to help you maintain open and honest communication:
1.Quantity does not equal quality. When it comes to communication, it’s the quality of time that truly counts. Rather than piecing together random Facetime chats every day, Nicole Arzt, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, who serves on the advisory board for Family Enthusiast, recommends couples take the time to schedule out weekly Facetime dates. According to Nicole, being more intentional with your weekly dates increases connection.
2.Consistency is key. According to Michael Kinsey, LCP, “consistently having events, trips, plans, goals, etc., to look forward to can help keep couples feeling close emotionally, if not geographically. When both members of the pair feel a lively connection to a mutually created future, then it’s a good indicator that both are seeing the separation as temporary and that their lives are on converging tracks.”
3.Use “I” statements. Hui Ting Kok, LMHC, suggests that couples “use ‘I’ statements when communicating a need. [E.g., I feel loved when you text me “good morning” every day/ I feel (emotion) when you (problematic behavior). I would appreciate it if you could (ideal behavior)]. Starting a sentence with ‘I’ is useful when communicating a need or a boundary because it can lower the defensiveness of the other person as you are stating how you feel, rather than accusing them of something.”
4.Lead with gratitude. While it may be easy to criticize your partner or complain about the distance, Lynell Ross, a Certified Life and Relationship Coach, suggests intentionally telling your significant other what you appreciate about them. Bonds are strengthened when both parties know that they are appreciated.
5. End the call with intention. Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a relational communication professor at California State University, suggests ending each call with a relationship check-in session. According to Dr. Tara, having a check-in “promotes connection and understanding of one another.” You can find various “relationship check-in” questions online to help facilitate this. Ending the call with intention ensures that both partners are on the same page and connect with reciprocity.
If this was helpful, you can read more ideas about how to bridge the distance here.
If you are in a long-distance relationship, we feel for you. In fact, we created KOYA just for you! It’s free to download and use.
