Madly, Hopelessly, and Obnoxiously in Love
Justine and Dominic are a British and Filipino-Canadian couple who are madly, hopelessly, and (according to their friends) obnoxiously in love with each other. They’ve been through it all — from a summer friendship that blossomed into a three-year long-distance friendship to a two-year long-distance relationship across the world’s largest ocean, from exploring and getting to know each other’s ancestral lands to navigating live-in life in the midst of a global pandemic. Their journey has been featured and captured in podcasts, photoshoots, and now on humanKIND!
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to learn a bit more about you. Can you share a little bit about yourself?
Dominic: I’m a Brit, but prefer to be called European, who enjoys reading about all things politics and history. I consider myself warm and easy going and I love to get to know new people wherever I go. I fell for the city of Toronto back when I was 24 years old and am so glad I get to spend my days exploring this incredible city and its people by bike, tram, and the walks that take me into each unique, vibrant neighborhood. I’ve been working in the education sector for the past three years and love exploring different ways of learning.
Justine: I’m a proud Filipina-Canadian based out of Toronto working as a freelance marketing and communications strategist for organizations in the social impact space. But I’d have to say that my main passion is my role as the founder and editor of an emerging magazine called Living Hyphen. Launched in 2018, Living Hyphen examines the experiences of hyphenated Canadians — that is, individuals who call Canada home but who have roots elsewhere. In short, we explore what it means to live in between cultures! I love connecting with people to listen to their stories and capturing it to share with the wider world.
Ok, super. Let’s shift to the main part of the story. How did you and either your current or former partner meet?
J: We actually met long before we actually became partners. We met back in 2014 at a hostel in Banff, Alberta, Canada. I was visiting one of my best friends in Calgary and we wanted to get even closer to the mountains and go on some hikes, so we decided to spend a weekend in nearby Banff.
D: After 6 months on the slopes in British Columbia, I wanted to spend the last six months of my visa checking out Toronto for the summer. I made some stops before getting there though. Kelowna, Banff, and Calgary were a few highlights along the way. I met Justine on my stop in Banff!
J: I went down to the communal area of the hostel one morning to meet my friend for breakfast, but she had already grabbed a table with a bunch of other people. The hostel was pretty busy, and the only spot left was next to this really cute guy — lucky me! So I sat next to him and you know how it is when you’re traveling! We had the usual conversation: “where are you from, how long are you here for, what’s next on the itinerary?” He was headed to Toronto next and after hearing that I lived there, he handed me this list he made of places to visit and asked me to fill it out.
D: Yeah, that dumb list. Haha!
J: I thought he was cute so, of course, I gave him my number and said I would show him around! And he actually texted me when he got into the city! I still remember it too. He sent me this song lyric from Paolo Nutini’s These Streets: “These streets have too many names for me // I’m used to Glenfield road and spending my time down in Ochy // I’ll get used to this eventually…” and then an invitation to hang out.
D: We met up a few times for dinners, drinks, and dancing. It was great being shown all of these local spots around the city. By the end of the summer though, I knew the city a lot better and started showing her around. She says she’s from Toronto, but does Markham count?
J: HEY! Ok, yes. At the time I lived in a suburb just outside of the 6ix, but I knew Toronto like the back of my hand! And yes, we did all of those things that summer and there was a lot of chemistry between us…maybe a few kisses here and there too! But nothing else developed. That was that, really. Dom left to go back home to the UK a few months later. We stayed friends throughout the years sending each other Facebook messages here and there, mailing birthday cards to each other, that sort of thing.
So when and how did you actually get together?
D: I planned an extended trip to Vietnam in 2017 and knew I wouldn’t get another chance to visit Toronto and its wonderful inhabitants again for awhile. So I went about planning a short three-week vacation.
J: Dom asked if he could “crash on my couch” for a few days during his visit, which we all know what that means — ha! And of course, I said yes.
D: We spent just over a week together and it was incredible! We talked all night every night, ate great food, polished off a few bottles of wine, and trekked the whole city. We spent so much time together, getting to know each other all over again, and laughing endlessly.
Long-distance is tough, what made you decide to give it a try? Did you have a conversation with your partner, or did it happen naturally?
J: I didn’t think we would give it a try, to be honest! After Dom left Toronto and headed to Vietnam two weeks after, I thought that was all there was to it. Just a really beautiful summer fling that we would look back on fondly. We didn’t make any promises when we said goodbye. We told each other hopefully someday, if we ever saw each other again, the timing would be right. I absolutely held no expectations or desires of starting a long-distance relationship at that time in my life.
D: Hold up. You promised me right before I left that you would come and visit me in Vietnam and I reciprocated how much I would love that! I didn’t know if it was one of those things that you say when you leave someone — the promise of next time — but this one felt very real. After I left, we spoke every day. Texts, pics, Skypes, and voice notes until one day, I just couldn’t contain myself. It was totally unscripted, I just babbled out how much I liked her until I finally got there. Will you be my girlfriend?
J: And of course, I was ecstatic! I was just over the freakin’ moon! At that point, we had been talking every single day and he was constantly on my mind. There was just no way we wouldn’t give it a shot. We were obsessed with each other and it just felt like the right thing to do, our only option!
During your time apart, how did you stay connected? Please share examples or helpful tips.
J: We’re so lucky to live in a time where technology allows us to connect with people from so far away on a daily basis and with the ease of the phones in our pockets. We talked on the phone, we texted, we sent photos of our everyday happenings, we had a video date at least once a week. We were very much in constant communication with each other. I never really felt like we were apart.
D: We were fortunate with the time difference being what it was. But we are also very understanding and flexible people. Life sometimes gets in the way of the best laid plans — the family comes over or someone has to work late. But our conversations were so full and reaffirming, which is something that helps when all you have is words to feel close. It’s definitely an outlook you have to adopt when you choose to embark on a long-distance relationship.
It isn’t easy to be away from loved ones for an extended period of time, especially during special events or bad days. How did you celebrate one another (i.e. birthdays, promotions, holidays…etc) while apart? And how did you support each other when either of you had a hard day?
J: Dom was so good at making me feel loved and celebrated every single day — not just the holidays. I remember our “first date” online. He messaged me earlier in the week that he wanted to “take his girl out for a special treat” and I just laughed it off because of the impossibility of it. A sweet sentiment that meant nothing more. Then on the night of our scheduled video chat date, he said he was taking me out for dinner. Again, I brushed it off as this whimsical longing. Next thing I know there’s a knock on my door and dinner is being delivered to me.
Dom is on screen and he says, “I told you I’d take you out for dinner!” He ordered Vietnamese food and he was having the same meal all the way across the ocean in Vietnam. I was speechless. I had forgotten that we lived in a world where you can order delivery for anyone literally anywhere around the world! I was so touched by the thoughtfulness of the gesture.
All throughout our relationship, Dom would find small ways to insert himself in my life like that. He always made me feel his presence and the fact that he was thinking of me.
D: Yeah, I’m very much an ‘acts of service’ kind of guy and Justine is true to her language too with her ‘words of affirmation’. She sent countless cards (each with a new food pun on the front) and care packages. She’d even surprise me by sending desserts when she knew I had a tough day. It’s those little things that really show so much care.
What did your family and friends think about your long-distance love? Were they supportive?
J: Most of my family and friends think I’m such a romantic and would do anything for love so I don’t think any of this surprised them.
D: I’ve always been very open with my mum and friends and they could see how elated I was, talking about Justine and celebrating her every possible chance. I was obnoxious and they just had to learn to live with it!
What was it like for you when your friends would go out during the weekend? How did you keep your spirits raised?
D: We’d go out right with them! We were and still are living independent lives and are very supportive of that for each other. Sure, I had flashes of jealousy thinking that she would be out with friends and disappointed that I couldn’t be there too, but when I reminded myself that these feelings were based on my own anxiety rather than any actions of hers, those feelings would evaporate.
J: One of the reasons why I was hesitant to get into a long-distance relationship with Dom at the onset wasn’t just because it was long distance. It was also largely because he was moving to an entirely new country to experience a whole different culture, start a new career, meet so many new people, and find amazing new friends.
He’d been planning this move (or something like it) for years and I didn’t want to be the reason he didn’t experience it fully. I know what it’s like to have your heart elsewhere and I didn’t want that for him. And selfishly for myself too, of course. I was worried about how exciting his new life would be, how exhilarating it is to meet so many new people and get whisked away by the newness of everything. I knew how easily I might get lost in all of that and I was afraid of getting hurt in that way.
I never really told him these things at the time but Dom knew intuitively how to make me feel prioritized. He always made a point to take photos and send them to me while he was out just to show me where he was or what he was doing with his friends. He’d often even call me while he was out or at the end of his night just to check in and let me know that he was thinking of me. That meant a lot to me and really put my mind at ease.
Communication isn’t always easy, especially when there is distance. How did you handle miscommunications within your relationship? Can you share a brief story about how this played out and what steps you took to resolve things?
D: I remember a video chat that went south very early on in our relationship. I’d said something insensitive, she got upset but wouldn’t tell me why. But I could feel the tension anyway. I told Justine we couldn’t just sit and stew for days about things, as it would make both of us feel terrible.
Unlike “regular” couples where many tiffs can be quelled with a hug or a kiss, or just any kind of touch, we didn’t have that kind of luxury. We only had our words to resolve any issues or misunderstandings. We had to be very upfront with our feelings and needs. We made that clear to each other from the beginning and I think that attitude has made us stronger.
J: I find it pretty hard to communicate my feelings right away because I struggle with my words when I’m emotional. But Dom has pushed me to communicate during those times, even if that means just saying, “I’m upset and I don’t have the words to express myself yet.” Even communicating that much helps him know where I’m at and to give me the space that I might need.
Can you recommend any books, podcasts, documentaries or other resources that you used to help sharpen your communication skills during your LDR?
J: We didn’t really use external resources. I think we’re really lucky in that our communication styles match so well. We are both extreme extroverts, we are both so extra in the way we show our love and affection for people and for each other, we both like to talk and text and be in frequent contact with each other.
D: No, we didn’t rely on those kinds of resources. But I would say that it’s a great opportunity for you to share your favourite books with your partner. Justine asked me to read a few books that really shaped her as a person, an activist, and a writer and so in reading those books, I got a chance to understand her more. Oh, and discover your love languages and try to adapt that to long distance!
J: Oh yeah! We took the test and discovered each other’s love languages! That illuminated a lot for us. As Dom mentioned earlier, his love language is ‘acts of service’ whereas mine is ‘words of affirmation’. That’s pretty spot on and it helped us recognize and appreciate each other’s efforts even more.
What surprised you the most about your LDR experience? Please share some stories or examples.
J: I think what surprised me the most and continues to surprise me is just how easy it all was. Of course, I missed Dom and, of course, the times we would separate were always so painful, but for the most part, it was pretty easy. Dom was always so communicative — he would text or call to say good morning and goodnight. Even when he was out with his friends, he always made a point to get in touch. He’d often even video call to share the experience with me and to introduce me to the friends he was hanging out with. He always made me feel appreciated and prioritized.
I’ve heard so many horror stories from other friends who have done LDR, but ours felt so smooth sailing. I know that sounds unrealistic and maybe even obnoxious, but it’s actually just the truth. I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop as it all just feels too good to be true!
If you feel comfortable sharing, our readers would like to know how your LDR ended. Are you still together?
J: We’re still together! And we live together now in Toronto!
D: I was fortunate that I could have up to three years across two working-holiday visas for Canada and I’m now in the process of becoming a permanent resident. I’m living in my favorite city in the world with my favorite person in the world.
J: And that in itself is a whole new journey for us. We’ve been living together for about nine months now, learning how to share space and building a life together…and during some interesting times too! We went from seeing each other for only a couple of times a year to seeing each other 24/7 as we self-isolate during this COVID-19 outbreak. So far we’re relishing in it though — the luxury and privilege of actually being physically together during this really scary and uncertain time. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
What are the most valuable lessons you learned from your LDR experience? And would you recommend long-distance for other couples? Why or why not?
J: Communication is everything. Dom mentioned it earlier but it bears repeating — as a long-distance couple, you don’t have the luxury of falling back on touch to make amends if someone gets upset. There is no hand to gently hold, no embrace to fall into, no soft kiss to offer. You only have your words and you need to advocate for your own needs, expectations, and boundaries. You only have your words to show your care, understanding, and love for your partner. Those lines of communication need to be established from the get go for your relationship to be on solid foundations.
D: Another thing that helped us through our LDR was that we always had a plan for the future. Early on in our relationship during Justine’s first trip to Vietnam, I made clear my intentions with where I wanted our relationship to go, how often I hoped we would see each other, and how often I wanted us to communicate. We plotted out our trips early in the year and gave ourselves a timeline and end goal. We knew where we wanted to be at the end of it, so we always had that to look forward to. That, plus our regular-ish trips really made a difference in each other’s absence. Plan ahead and give yourself a countdown.
J: I don’t know if I’d recommend long distance for all couples. I think it only makes sense if you feel that the person is truly worth it. There are plenty of guys I’ve dated that I would never have made that commitment to, but with Dom, it just felt so easily the right thing to do, you know? Being with him, however far apart, was an opportunity I couldn’t let go. And it is the 100% most ridiculous and best decision I’ve ever made in my life!
How can our readers follow you online?
J: You can find me on Instagram at @ justineabigail and (shameless plug!) if you’re interested in learning more about Living Hyphen, we’re on all social platforms at @ livinghyphen.
D: But most importantly, you should follow us on TikTok at @DJTeamUs where we will blow you away with our dance moves. (Justine made me say this!)
Thank you so much for joining us!
Originally published at https://getkoya.com on June 5, 2020.
