the inner ocean
circle poem below
feelings are water
and we ride them out
and we drawn in them
in emotion
there was a time when i was drawing, too
and sinking deep below
drawning breathless
i’d seen in my mind eye
in my heart
the muddy, dirty, dark blue ocean
of my broken heart
of sorrow
of the losses
with gigantic waves of fear, loneliness, despair
i willed them to swallow me
to consume me in their dark and breathless hug
i begged them to take me below
so i can forget
to no avail.
and later
i was riding with the ups
blue skies and tubus waves
surfing their crests
while the darkness of the ocean
of my heart
was hiding from the sun
and then something unexpected
came over me
i could witness both, dark and lightness
i could choose to drawn
i could choose to surf
i could choose to swim
all as equals
all emotions, equally unreal
one day the truth came over me
i watched myself go up and down
i witnessed it all
from afar, from the shore
and yet, i felt it all as well
just as well, i knew it’s all made up
by me
two awarenesses in one
or even three
for i am the actress in my own script
the viewer too
and the writer
i did create my ocean
my waves
my light
my darkness
my ups and downs
i made it all
now finally i truly see!
