Who’s In Your Inner Circle?
Take care to observe the values of your Team.
Dad always said, “You become who you surround yourself with.”
I’m paraphrasing, but it was something like that.
At the time I first began hearing that phrase, I assumed he meant it in a negative way. A dagger meant to cut deep and shame me into changing the direction my compass was pointed.
Perhaps he did.
He would have been justified. Most of the company I kept back then are either clinging to the glory days, never maturing. Some are addicts, some in and out of prison, some homeless. Some are dead.
I know he was frustrated.
Every attempt to reach me was to no avail. He had to get creative with his approach. He would never give up, but I sense that he ran out of ideas at some point.
I had to go it alone.
I had to learn those lessons the hard way to satisfy my stubborn ego.
Our relationship is much better now.
After having my own kids and seeing his perspective firsthand in many cases, I recognize how much he just wanted the best for me. He wanted me to want the best for myself.
I’m only recently navigating through those waters. In doing so, I’ve thought more and more about his words.
“You become who you surround yourself with.”
Well, that could be some wonderful advice in the right context. Surround yourself with people who are where you’d like to be. Role models. Of course, that’s what he meant! It’s so simple in hindsight.
It’s always funny to reflect on the advice you’ve heard for years but you didn’t have the ears for yet.
A dear friend of mine gets a kick out of pointing out such advice. I’ll be excited to share a new revelation with her only to be reminded of the thousand times she’d tried to teach me that same lesson.
It’s all in good fun.
This particular bit of advice has been keeping me up at night. It’s so simple, but I can’t help feeling like there’s more to it than that.
Find people who have things you’d like to have, do things you’d like to do, achieve things you’d like to achieve.
You’ll study their ways and begin to make similar moves.
All of those things would undoubtedly deliver your wildest dreams. You’d acquire all the things you ever wanted in your life, constantly set your sights higher and higher all the time.
Always desiring more and more. “Suffering from desire,” as Alan Watts would have said. Trying to fill an insatiable appetite with worldly things.
That’s not the meaning at all, is it?
The value isn’t in the things. It’s in the labor. Life is lived in the pursuit of the goal, and hardly celebrating the achievement.
I’m finding much more satisfaction in the process.
With that in mind, I once again heed my father’s words. Only in a different direction this time.
I recognize people for their character traits rather than their commendations. I surround myself with others on the path to self-mastery.
- Who is more disciplined than me?
- Who is more humble than me?
- Who is more confident than me?
- Who is more compassionate than me?
- Who is more selfless than me?
- Who has more integrity than me?
These are the people I seek the company of now.
In a recent experiment, I’ve intentionally subjected myself to company in which I am the least far along. I attempted to check my ego and was willing to be the weakest link in the chain.
Not by compromising the standard and being weak, but finding those who exhibit these traits at the highest level to emulate.
It’s served me well in finding balance in the chaos that was my life.
I’ve found a constructive inner dialogue for the first time.
I face adversity with confidence.
I take proactive measures to ensure my success.
I hold myself accountable for my actions and inactions.
Focusing on my character is delivering material rewards as a byproduct. I love the journey I’m on, and I love the person I am becoming.
No amount of indulgence or achievement could ever have satisfied that desire.
Who do you choose to surround yourself with?
