Vivi Linbeck, 10th grade

“I used to get made fun of a lot because I was heavier. I remember even my siblings and close friends would bring it up, and it really does mess with you, especially at a young age. It kind of imprints this idea that you’re always going to be like that. I’ve lost a little weight and it still constantly crosses my mind because in my head I’m still that chubby little girl. Part of growing up heavier, was always expecting to stay that way. If you do lose weight, people start to look at you differently which is really sad. There’s this societal standard that if you’re skinny, you’re healthy, which is not always the case. There is health at every size, but not everyone knows that. People who are heavier tend to be overlooked. Some people don’t get job opportunities or can’t find the right clothing size. Even if you lose weight, you kind of never stop viewing yourself losing these opportunities, but people look at you differently because they don’t see that going on in your head. I can’t go ten minutes without looking in the mirror and being like ‘Ew.’ I feel like that will always stay with me. I hope it doesn’t, but I have a feeling it will. I’m kind of glad I experience this though because it shows me how to not reduce other people to their size or what they look like. I wish I was skinnier, but I don’t hold any other people to that standard, only myself. I do that in almost every aspect of my life. I’m very hard on myself with grades… and basically everything, but I don’t hold anyone else to my standards. I think that if they’re doing their best, that is their best, but for me it’s always been different. I notice that everyone is their own worst critic, but it’s very difficult to let go of that. I try though! If I get a bad grade and I know that I put in the work, I try to let go and be at peace with my grade, but it always comes back to ‘Well, did I really put in the work?’ I remember freshman year, if I got lower than a 93 or ate the ‘wrong’ thing, I would break down. But now, I’m much more at peace. I eat how I want and my grades are a little lower, which sometimes worries me, but I don’t base my self worth off of it. We grow up our whole lives looking at ourselves and being told to review everything that we know to be true about ourselves. For me, I spend a lot of time looking at my life and thinking, ‘What can I fix?’ It’s just how I’ve been taught, to always try to be the ‘best’ version of yourself. Part of the reason everyone thinks they’re imperfect is because they compare themselves to others, so I think we need to start stressing the individual beauty as opposed to the standard of beauty.”

story by Lucy Adams