“Judging a book by its cover” should never be applied to people

Rad Wendzich
Aug 24, 2017 · 2 min read

We make judgements about things around us all the time. It feels natural to make quick conclusions and share our opinions about what we observed or experienced. But sometimes we need to slow ourselves down because snap judgements aren’t an accurate way to understand people. They often lead to making false assumptions and can deprive us of valuable insights:

  • A great performance of an athlete is not talent, but deliberate long-term practice, continuous correction of mistakes, and perhaps having a world-class coach.
  • A partner’s repeated unenthusiastic reaction to flowers is not being unappreciative, it may be that that’s not her primary love language (maybe instead it’s spending quality time or words of affirmation).
  • A peer’s opposing point of view shouldn’t be dismissed as bad feedback, but looked at as an opportunity to grow.
  • A customer complaining about the waiter’s inattentiveness may not be the waiter’s fault, it may be something wrong with the environment: the lack of enough staff working on the shift or a problem in the kitchen.
  • One poorly executed assignment is not a reflection of an employee’s potential, but perhaps a misalignment between the project and employee’s strengths.

These quick conclusions can be damaging to those we judge but, more often, they limit our own ability to learn and they block opportunities to become a better colleague, friend, spouse, and neighbor. Taking the time to understand takes extra effort, it may require asking additional questions, getting information from more sources, and patience. But it’s worth it. This post is a quick reminder that we shouldn’t judge people by what we see on the surface, but take the time to understand instead.


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Thanks to Russell Dempsey

Rad Wendzich

Written by

I love learning about personal growth, developing deep connections, & building things with others.

HumansForget

HumansForget helps you remember your favorite ideas in a visual, positive, and engaging way, and helps you share them with others.

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