An Atypical Founder

I’m not your typical start-up founder. I’m not 25, but I do enjoy a good hoodie and Chucks. I also don’t go 200 miles an hour for 20 hours a day — and that’s okay.

April 3, 2017. That was my last day of gainful employment. Since then, I’ve been busy with several different things — participating in the humble ventures accelerator, overseeing the development of my soon-to-be-launched (true) and sure-to-be wildly successful (hopeful) software platform, raising my 6 month old Australian Labradoodle puppy Piper, and reflecting.

It’s more than it looks, believe me! But Piper’s totes adorbs, amiright?

Reflecting? Who has time for that nonsense? This chick.

I learned a long time ago that if a particular topic or idea stays in my head for longer than a hot second (and it’s not my introversion perseverating on a conversation I think I screwed up last month), it’s worthy of focused attention and processing — my brain’s trying to tell me something.

I get the message.

Since I’ve been out of work, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my career — how I built it, how I should have built it, what mistakes I made, what opportunities I missed. My sister-in-law once said during an interview the lesson she learned from her dad was ‘If you always give 110%, you will never be unemployed’. I took that to heart as I was graduating college married with 2 kids under 5. I gave 100% — sometimes working 20+hours a day to make sure my employers had what they needed.

What I haven’t mentioned yet is that I have spent my entire adult life living with a chronic illness. Your 20’s are a terrible time to be diagnosed with a chronic, incurable illness. You’re at the height of your ‘indestructible’ mode, you’re going to do the things you want and need to do, damn the consequences. Throw in a healthy dollop of “I can’t let anyone know I’m sick, because they’ll think less of me/fire me/think I’m making excuses.”, and the crazy train has officially left the station.

I continued that crazy train of thought for too many years to count. I was unwilling to accept that if I wouldn’t take the necessary steps to balance my world, my body would. All nighters to finish a deliverable wiped me out for 2 days after. Working on every vacation for 10 years meant I was never really rested. Some days it was all I could do to get out of bed, much less think. Having a knowledge worker career, the thinking is kinda a big deal. Illness begets illness — my body and mind are both sick and tired, and I’m not sure either will fully recover. One of the last things I did at my job was to take a month long medical leave of absence to try and recover — it’s been an process, and when I neglect myself, it shows.

So, with all that, why the heck am I trying to launch a company? Because my brain has also been screaming at me for two years that there’s this thing I have to do — a group of people I have to help — something I need to build — and it’s not going to be quiet until I do it, regardless of the final outcome.

I have spent the last 4 months working with some of the most amazing entrepreneurs and leaders with humble ventures. They all seem indefatigable. They are able to move at a pace that I can’t hope to match. Would I be in better shape if I hadn’t pushed myself so much early on? If I’d managed my lifestyle to manage my disease, instead of shoving the concept of ‘moderation’ and ‘balance’ and ‘self-care’ into the junk drawer, could I keep up with these folks and make my business a success faster?

All those questions are regretful, backwards-looking questions. It’s beyond useless to focus on them because I can’t do anything about it. It’s acceptance time, baby, and time to pivot and move forward.

I joke about being the old lady of the group — I certainly feel it. I’ve been trying to keep up publicly — and probably failing pretty miserably. So, I’m not gonna hide it anymore. Since I’m my own boss, I’m certainly not going to fire myself, so I can disclose whatever I want. Here’s my personal 5 rules of entrepreneurship:

1. Manage your energy. I have an autoimmune disorder and major depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder. My brain is either trying to convince me I’m an utterly worthless human, or my body is trying to figure out which part of me it’s allergic to (last week it was my feet). If you catch me waking up at 10am (or taking a nap at 3), it’s not me luxuriating in the glory of unemployment. I’m just trying to make sure I can get out of bed and be productive for even a *portion* of the day.
2. Run your own race. One of our founders has said that she hasn’t had more than 4 hours sleep in at least 2 years. I appreciate her drive and dedication, but I can’t measure myself by that stick; I will lose every time. I have to do what keeps me healthy and functional more days than not. Don’t judge my 8–10 hours of sleep some nights. Chances are there was a night with only 1 hour of sleep logged. People with chronic illnesses often explain it with the spoon theory. It’s a good read.
3. Ask for help. Jeez, this is a hard one. I *suck* at asking for help — even from my very best friends. But yet, every time I’ve screwed up my courage and asked, help has been given. I’m working on getting rid of my stubborn streak, my pride stripe, and I will try harder to ask for what I need. In return, if someone is asking, please just be honest when committing. If you think someone is asking, make the offer if you can.
4. Perfection means you took too long. Make mistakes, try different things, write different copy. JUST DO SOMETHING to try to move forward. I always call my first drafts “word vomit” — you just have to get something on the screen. Ask for help (or just input) from friends and allies.
5. Trust the people in your life. I’m not talking family, friends, or ‘framily’ here, they’re practically a given. There are probably a couple dozen other people in your circles that add value to your life, otherwise they wouldn’t be there. One of the best things I did this year was to trust the humble. team — who were virtually strangers to me 4 months ago — with this idea my brain has been screaming about. I don’t even think I paused when I accepted their offer of a position in their spring cohort. Now, I not only have 5 new business advisors in Mary Iafelice, Ray Crowell, Harry Alford, Ajit Verghese and Kayode Owens, I have a cohort of 12 other companies building cool stuff. 12 other companies to bounce ideas off of, celebrate with, commiserate with, drink with. 5 advisors I can trust to give me great insights, tools, and even tough love when I need it.

“In Summary” sounds so…academic. So not me. So here it is. I’m building a great online donation platform that’s going to make it easy for people to donate to their favorite causes all year long — just by creating and donating their digital spare change. It’s my passion project, but I won’t be repeating my early career mistakes. give365 is going to grow the best way I can make it grow while trying to keep myself healthy mentally and physically, and I won’t regret a thing this time.