Job Descriptions for Jesus, Santa and the Elves
Even the North Pole has to Recruit at Christmas
A few Christmas Job Descriptions for a Holiday Smile. Even at the North Pole, we sometimes have to recruit.
North Pole Ltd. — Job Description (1)
Director, Christmas Operations (Santa Claus)
Job Summary:
The Director, Christmas Operations is a highly responsible position required to ensure the effective and efficient world-wide delivery of toys and presents to children on Christmas Eve. The Director oversees the operations of a sophisticated manufacturing, assembly and distribution plant and related systems located in the North Pole, Canada. He provides leadership and direction to a large staff of elves, manages a fleet of magical reindeer and maintains effective communication and liaison with other influential children and holiday icons such as the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Frosty. In collaboration with Mrs. Claus, the Director creates a warm, hospitable and nurturing working environment at the North Pole.
Education, Training and Experience:
Masters’ Degree in Christmas Business Administration including significant training in the management of manufacturing, warehousing, distribution and delivery systems. Several hundred years of related experience.
Knowledge, Skills and Abilities:
Demonstrated knowledge of Christmas traditions around the world.
Demonstrated ability to determine who has been naughty and who has been nice.
Ability to impose discipline as required by placing coal in stockings.
Demonstrated ability to lead pointy eared staff with playful and mischievous tendencies.
Ability to emit a loud, robust and heart-felt HO-HO-HO Merry Christmas at all times.
Ability to enter unnoticed in and out of people’s homes every Christmas Eve.
Personal Attributes:
Must be chubby, jolly and a right old elf.
Working Conditions:
Ability to work in cramped and confined and or hazardous environments such as chimneys, hearths, window ledges, and roof tops.
Ability to eat copious amounts of milk and cookies.
The North Pole is an equal opportunity employer. Applicants with red-noses, pointed ears, and/or curly toed shoes as well as others are welcome.
North Pole Ltd. — Job Description (2)
Elf
Job Summary:
Reporting to the Director, Christmas Operations (i.e., Santa Claus), the Elf is responsible for the design, development, construction, assembly and packaging of all Christmas toys and related presents for distribution to children all over the world. The Elf is also responsible for the sorting of mail (paper and electronic), maintenance of the request database and assisting with list checking and updates, maintenance, upkeep and security of all North Pole buildings and grounds including the workshop and coal mine, care of reindeer and sleighs, and preparation of warm beverages and hot packs as required for the Director.
Education, Training and Experience:
Certificate/Diploma in Toy Manufacturing from an accredited Elf institution. Eligible for membership with the Elf Craft Guild, Local NP. Several hundred years of related experience.
Knowledge, Skills and Abilities:
Demonstrated knowledge of Christmas traditions around the world.
Demonstrated knowledge of childhood dreams and wishes.
Ability to work effectively with elves at all levels of the NP enterprise including chubby and jolly ones.
Ability to be nimble, quick, and slightly magical.
Ability to make hot rum and bake cookies.
Working Conditions:
Must be able to tolerate extreme cold weather.
NP positions are open to all non-elf applicants however preference will be given to those with pointed ears.
Job Description (3)
Baby Jesus
Job Summary:
Reporting to the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, Jesus is responsible for the salvation of all mankind including the forgiveness of sins. Jesus is required to act as a spiritual leader of world-wide significance, effectively model behaviours such as compassion, kindness, forgiveness, humility, patience and tolerance, and promote spiritual healing and reform. A charismatic leader and brilliant orator, Jesus is expected to lead a highly influential group of followers and contribute to monumental change in faith practices of individuals all over the world. Liaises regularly with a variety of personalities including God, Angels, Local Roman Leaders, Apostles, Scribes and Pharisees, and Foreign Kings.
Education, Training and Experience:
Valid Carpenter’s Ticket from the Nazareth Trade Council. Member of the Carpenters Trade Guild of Jerusalem, Bethlehem and Nazareth.
Knowledge, Skills and Abilities:
Demonstrated knowledge of religious practices and political realities of Middle Eastern countries including Israel, Syria, Jordan and the Roman Empire.
Ability to lead, motivate, guide, influence and persuade individuals in all walks of life.
Demonstrated ability to perform miracles including turning water into wine, reproducing multiple fish and bread from a few fish and loaves and walk on water.
Demonstrated ability to heal the sick and infirm.
Demonstrated ability to pray faithfully and develop prayers.
Non-judgemental approach to working with a vast group of stakeholders from lepers to Magi.
Working Conditions:
Ability to lie comfortably in a manger for considerable lengths of time.
Ability to tolerate glare from very bright star.
Must be able to work in environment with exposure to scents such as frankincense and myrrh.
