The Time I Took a Sex Class
I went to one of the most liberal colleges in the nation, Columbia College Chicago. I enjoyed it for the most part. I took a sex class there. Coming from an all-boys catholic high school, it blew my mind.
I saw this old priest walk into the classroom with a cane and huge hearing aid. I instantly stood up and started praying in Latin out of habit. The priest sits down at his desk and he’s like “Yes, I am a pastor, I am also gay and a sex therapist.” I know, I was in shock. My mouth was agape and I wasn’t even halfway through the paternoster.
The class was great though, I learned so much. We talked about AIDS, STDs, sex toys, organs, orgasms, and sexual slang. We had a speaker who was a self-identifying transvestite whose heels had to be specially made because his feet were too big for women’s shoes. I was like, “I should write something about that.” Then I learned that was literally the plot of Kinky Boots, which is apparently a Tony award-winning musical.
Sex class had about 20 women, three guys including me. The day we learned about male sex toys, they did not show up to class. I came into class ready to learn about pocket pussies and I was blindsided by a big ole butt plug. That day we learned about anal beads, prostate massagers, strapons, nipple clamps, cock rings, ball rings, piercings, urethral sounds, and penis subincision. I’m not into any of that stuff and I’m not here to kink shame, I think those things probably feel good to a lot of people, but it is the last two I have a problem with.
Here are a few definitions I learned:
Sounding- it sounds good, but then you learn what it is. So in the early 20th century, guys were getting really bad gonorrhea and it would scar your urethra, and dudes couldn't pee. So some evil doctor decided the best way to get rid of the scarring was to jam a metal rod down your peehole. Then one day a guy comes to this doctor with a scarred little guy, so the doctor gets out the metal rod and shoves it in and instead of screaming in pain, he screamed in joy. Now urethral sounding is done all over the world and you can buy a starter pack on amazon.
Subincision- you cut the bottom of dick vertically. I do not wish to elaborate, you can look it up.
Lets just say, I’m still afraid to have sex to this day.
