8 Sweet-Ass Pancakes You Need To Own

Looking to fill out your pancake collection? Everyone has their preferences, but these eight classics deserve a place on every shelf. How many do you have?

1.

Call for you from 1–800-Versatility! Drape it on your baby, throw it at ghosts, throw it at ghouls, drape it on your second baby, throw it at a Japanese ghost — this workhorse does it all.

2.

Pancake is everything. Pancake is buggin’. Pancake is bonkers. If you’re like me, you keep two of these babies in your pockets at all times. Pancake is blazin’.

3.

No, it’s not a mistake that this “grand old dame” is on the list. Some may scoff at this “passé” cake, but its influence on the modern pancake scene can’t be overstated. Owning this pancake shows you respect your history, and provides fascinating perspective on how far we’ve come.

4.

The Jackal let slip the loveliest slice of gossip at Lady Larington’s ball. He hears talk that Niles Tulliver has this delightful specimen on display in a crystal case in his drawing room. They say Tulliver’s estate is practically a fortress, but such a job should be the work of a moment for a pair of raconteurs such as we, eh?

5.

If you don’t have this pancake on your shelf right now, you are human garbage; a wack-ass pile of dumpster sludge. Irredeemable—ooze back into the swamp, monster.

6.

With pancakes like these, who needs enemies? I don’t. Why do I have so many enemies?

7.

Even two decades later, this avant garde masterwork remains perhaps the most challenging pancake ever made. Its intertextual, dense, heavily allegorical message is notoriously difficult to parse, but believe me: if you put the time in, it’ll be the most rewarding pancake you own. Legacies like these aren’t made by accident.

And even if you never get into it, you’ll look cultured having it around.

8.

It’s like I always say: a pancake a day keeps the ghosts away! Please tell me you’ve been throwing this pancake at the ghosts every day like I told you. Don’t you backtalk to me! No, we do have to do this now. Have you been skipping days? Don’t you understand what’s at stake?