Rejectress Submission: Ally Mason
I LIVED IT: My Doctor’s Office Was out of Free Condoms (Thoughts)
A shell-shocked woman recounts the inability to get her co-pay’s worth of free condoms. “I never thought I’d see the day where I couldn’t dig into the bottomless bowl of lube and condoms and stuff fistfuls into my purse like a rabid animal going into sex hibernation.”
4 Dessert Recipes to Forget About in the Oven After Hitting Your Roommate’s Bong (Living)
A listicle of scrumptious treats to ruin with your culinary negligence after you got way too high! “These delectable fudge walnut brownies will burn beyond recognition while you watch Adventure Time for three hours on the couch. Delish!”
Going Green! This Cop Recycled Incriminating Evidence Instead of Throwing It Away (Womanspiration)
A cop and environmentalist queen destroys department incriminating evidence in an eco-conscious way. “It’s so refreshing to see a policewoman who cares about reducing her carbon footprint while obstructing justice. We absolutely love to see it!!”
QUIZ: Should You Sneak a Water Bottle Full of Vodka Into the Bar or Can You Afford a $60 Tab? (Living)
“How much money is in your bank account right now?
A. More than $60
B. Less than $60”
How to Get Through a First Date Without Bringing up the Plot Holes in the Jimmy Neutron Movie (Love and Sex)
A guide for appropriate date conversation. “If he asks what you do for a living try to answer directly even though when Jimmy’s dog Goddard performs a scan of the town indicating there are no adults, Mrs. Fowl is present at the school, directly contradicting this previously established reality.”
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