Rejectress Submission: Amanda Brennan
- 7 Chores to Do Around the House While Listening to Hillary Clinton’s Concession Speech
Things to do around the house while mourning our current timeline. “1. Organize family pictures: You’ll sort through old pictures of when you were 8 and think, wow, that little girl could be anything! Then you’ll listen to Hillary Clinton’s concession speech and think, oh, probably not.”
2. I Lived It: I Met My Husband at a Coworking Space
This woman admits to finding true love at her coworking space, but it’s also an advertisement for WeWork. “It started when our eyes met across the well-lit, open floor plan of our shared coworking space.” “He gave me his elevator pitch for his cannabis-gummy start up and I knew he was the one.”
3. 6 Pressed Juices to Drink While You Pretend to Give a Shit About Body Positivity
6 green juice recipes given for women who say they are body positive but are also into extreme wellness culture. “Recipe 1: a cup of spinach, half an apple, and a teaspoon of matcha powder. It’s exactly 210 calories, which is exactly how much energy you need to maintain the facade that you casually eat burgers!”
4. This Woman Gave Birth and Now Thinks She is God
A woman feels empowered after the gory and weird process of giving birth.“Pooping on the table is the ultimate power move.” “After I made this little flesh monster, I realized that I am actually a god. I made toes, for Christ’s sake. Toes!”
5. Spiritually, I Consider Harry Styles to Be My Ex-Husband
This woman explores her complicated relationship with British singer Harry Styles. “I’ve never met Harry, but when I listen to his songs I feel absolutely sure that he owes me child support.” Bonus line: “I feel like we’ve just gone in different directions.”
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