Rejectress Submission: Annette Storckman
Men Keep Their Rooms at Freezing, And Yet They Don’t Love Me, “Cold Pussy Marie”
(Love/Sex) Marie is confused by men’s hypocrisy: they love to keep their rooms bitterly cold, but won’t go anywhere near her medically frigid vagina. A woeful personal account of one woman trying to date.
Mom Thinks A.C.A.B Stands for “All Cats Are Babies”
(News) A shocking, developing news story. One daughter reports her radical left mother is not wholly in on the joke.
Tan-spiration! Go from Pale to Light with a Second Degree Sunburn.
(Style) A triumphant how-to for pale ladies who just want a little bit of sun. “We all know you don’t tan, you burn, so lean into it. Cover yourself in some sweet, sweet Crisco, shake your fist to the sky, and show the sun who’s in control.”
Nice! Woman Now Licensed Therapist After Five-Year Relationship with Literally Any Man
(Womanspiration) This #girlboss interview tells you how to go from unpaid emotional labor to making six figures in just five years. “Jen used to be an accountant, but after her years of training with [PICK A MAN, LITERALLY ANY ONE] her expertise now ranges from parental trauma to generalized anxiety.”
Is It Neighborhood Fireworks or the Beating Heart of the Man I Killed?(Thoughts) An on-edge account of one woman who can’t tell if she’s hearing summertime fireworks or being haunted by the heartbeat of her murder victim. “I awake at 3 am to banging, banging, banging. I’m confused, is it my jolly neighbors terrorizing us with their merriment — or more likely the heartbeat of the old man with the curséd stare I buried under the floorboards?”
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