Rejectress Submission: Daryn Robinson
Quirky pieces that just weren’t quirky enough I guess!
“Out of Sight, Out of Mind,” Says Woman Who Lacks Object Permanence
A woman who lacks object permanence describes her life philosophy. “I’m single when my boyfriend isn’t next to me”…. “Kibble magically disappears from this bowl by itself, since I don’t see a cat anywhere”…. “Muslims don’t live in the United States; I’ve never encountered one in Celina, Ohio!”
Wow! Maybe the Only Healing Crystal She Needed was Meth
A former spiritual guru trades healing crystals for hard drugs. “I thought I needed to align my chakras, but I just needed to align the needle with my vein”…. “Sure, I lost a few teeth, but I also lost my crippling anxiety!”…. “My next yoga retreat is in Appalachia.”
Quiz: Was That Priest Actually Sexy or Did You Go to an All-Girls Catholic School?
Multiple choice quiz with “A” answers about attractive characteristics and “B” answers reinforcing the fact that there were no other men around. “Question: Did he have a hot bod? / A. Yes, his muscles rippled beneath his robes! / B. Ehhh…he possessed the only penis for miles.”
8 Women in Your Life Who are Doing Kegels Right Now
Listicle of women doing Kegels during otherwise mundane activities. “Anthropologie employee works the sales floor and her pelvic floor”….“Boss lady tightens your company’s advertising budget as she tightens her coochie”….“Fitness instructor clutches weights in her hands and a yoni egg in her vagina.”
3M Releases Post-It Notes for Sex and the City-Style Break Ups
3M announces a new product based on the Sex and the City episode when Berger breaks up with Carrie and pitches it as “the perfect gift for men who possess that adorable combination of commitment issues and conflict avoidance.” Some display pre-written messages like, “It’s not you, it’s me.’”
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