Rejectress Submission: Eve Lytollis
In the words of the great Chumbawumba, “I get knocked down, but I get up again, you are never gonna keep me down…”
1. Alternative Words For Searching Cuddling On Porn Sites When You Don’t Want To Admit Defeat
Your horniness no longer outweighs your desire for real connection. “Muscular grappling. Firm Grip. Skin-on-Skin. Post-Coital Clutch. Horizontal Wrestling. Hot Body Sandwich.”
2. Ew! Woman Wear Same Panties For Two Weeks To See If Boyfriend Pays Attention, Smells Like Butts
Woman suspects she could’ve been wearing granny panties this whole time. “Susannah quickly regretted choosing high-waisted underwear for her experiment, which has a habit of clinging closely to the pubic bone, thus acting like a kind of hot pube hammock, only aggravating the odor problem. Still, Ryan remained ignorant.”
3. Sad But True: Guy Who Called You A “Bitch” Made Some Good Points
He’s misogynistic, but his argument is infallible. “You’re a good person, right? Just like you were a ‘good person’ last week, picking up that old man’s train ticket from the ground and keeping it as your own, even when he got in trouble and cried… Because you were combating littering, huh?”
4. Grandma’s Racism Was Tolerable But Her Comments on My Sourdough Were The Last Straw
Nastiness is bad, but only when it affects me. “When Grandma said ‘All Lives Matter’, I avoided eye contact. When she said that the rise on my sourdough loaf was ‘subpar’, the fires of fury spewed from my mouth: ‘Oh, yeah? Well, your ‘Grandma’s Special Cookies’ are only quite tasty!’”
5. Meet Doomba! The Robot Vacuum That Can Clean Your Apartment And Teach You About Personal Space
A vacuum that teaches consent to male guests. “If your house guest isn’t getting the message, watch as sweet Doomba circles your feet like a hygiene-conscious hawk, spinning her hypoallergenic brushes at the potential threat. When he tries to back away, Doomba’s pre-programmed voice will politely call him a ‘slut’.”
Vote for Eve Lytollis’ headlines by clicking ‘like’ on Humor Darling’s post with her name!
