Rejectress Submission: Mary Colussi
- Selfish Kidnapping Victim Found Alive, True Crime Podcasters Forced to Cancel Season 2
Everyone was looking forward to season 2 of hit podcast Where the F*ck is Sally, until Sally was found! “‘We wish she could’ve stayed missing until we got agents,’ says one host.” “Sally isn’t a fan, but only because she didn’t have access to Spotify in her shed-prison.”
2. Undergrad’s Short Story About Lonely Intellectual with Amazing Sex Life “Based On True Events”
Breaking news about Rick, that one guy in your Intro to Creative Writing class. “Though he is failing the class, Rick is mentored by both Jonathan Franzen and the ghost of David Foster Wallace.” “Rick loves elaborate fantasy worldbuilding, but he hasn’t yet managed to imagine a person of color.”
3. White Woman Agrees to Join Revolution, As Long As She Gets to be Katniss
A profile of a woman who needs an elaborate wardrobe and a pliant baker at her side to rebel. “Says Brittany, ‘You thought the police were bad, wait until you hear about the Peacekeepers.’” “The way she sees it, a dystopia’s only as strong as its Chosen One!”
4. I Didn’t Go Into STEM, But Not Because Women Can’t. They Can! But I Didn’t.
A reflection on how my humanities major was my own (bad) choice. “A degree in photography might not make me a #GirlBoss, but it doesn’t make me employable, either.” “My older brother is a doctor and unfortunately, my parents never discouraged me from following in his footsteps.”
5. Bummer! Your Sister’s Beautiful Inside and Out!
The results are in: Your sister’s the pretty one AND the nice one. “Researchers found that nine out of ten times, your sister didn’t order another basket of complimentary bread.” “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but in Stephanie’s case, it’s in her flawless skin and charity work.”
Vote for Mary Colussi’s headlines by clicking ‘like’ on Humor Darling’s post with Mary’s name!
