40 Funny New Year Quotes by Famous Personalities

Happy New Year, folks! As we dive into another year, let’s giggle at some witty words from famous faces. From Oprah’s optimistic view to Seinfeld’s glittery gag, these stars sure know how to make us chuckle about New Year’s. Here are a few quotes that’ll tickle your funny bone as we say hello to the new year!

1. Mark Twain: “New Year’s Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
2. Joey Adams: “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!”
3. Oprah Winfrey: “Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”
4. Mel Brooks: “Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive, you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, you’ve got to make a lot of noise, because life is the very opposite of death.”
5. Ellen DeGeneres: “My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.”
6. Dave Beard: “A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”
7. Bill Vaughan: “An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”
8. Robert Paul: “I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.”
9. Jerry Seinfeld: “New Year’s Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.”
10. Phyllis Diller: “What my New Year’s resolution means to me: More time on the treadmill.”
11. Groucho Marx: “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
12. Winston Churchill: “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.”
13. Robin Williams: “I think having a child is like having a little bit of Christmas every day.”
14. Stephen Colbert: “If I had my way, I’d make health catching instead of disease.”
15. Mae West: “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”
16. Steve Martin: “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
17. Woody Allen: “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
18. Jim Carrey: “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
19. Will Ferrell: “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
20. Tina Fey: “You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.”
21. Jerry Lewis: “People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.”
22. George Burns: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
23. Ellen Goodman: “We spend January 1st walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential.”
24. Lewis Black: “New Year’s Eve is amateur night. I stay home and watch the festivities on television.”
25. Bill Watterson: “I’m resolving to just wing it and see what happens.”
26. Amy Poehler: “In 2023 I am going to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it!”
27. Lily Tomlin: “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
28. Betty White: “I don’t like New Year’s Eve. I know it’s because I don’t like old things. I want everything new again.”
29. Gilda Radner: “I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.”
30. Richard Lewis: “I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.”
31. Jon Stewart: “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
32. Mitch Hedberg: “I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.”
33. Sarah Silverman: “I don’t set New Year’s resolutions. I set tomorrow resolutions.”
34. Chris Rock: “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, and Germany doesn’t want to go to war.”
35. Bill Murray: “New Year’s is the party where I remember all the things I should forget from the previous year.”
36. Rodney Dangerfield: “My New Year’s resolution is to get better at pretending I know what I’m doing.”
37. Conan O’Brien: “Today is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one, preferably with a lot of pictures.”
38. Kathy Griffin: “I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
39. Joan Rivers: “Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?”
40. David Letterman: “New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.”
41. Jay Leno: “Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.”
42. Johnny Carson: “New Year’s Day is when I start swearing off things like dieting and exercising until I realize I don’t have to worry about it till next year.”
43. Billy Crystal: “By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.”
44. Bob Hope: “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap

Enjoy the list and share it with your friends!

Other funny related links:

https://humornama.com/jokes/new-year-jokes/