“C’mon, trust us.” -NYPD
In these days of rampant identity theft, you never can be too careful. You’ve got to take your security seriously. And I’m not one of those guys who messes around when it comes to you and your family’s safety. So I’m here to tell you about the one way - the only surefire way - to ensure that your most sensitive and personal documents are never compromised or fall into the wrong hands.
Give them all to the NYPD. Just hand them over. They’ll take care of them. They’ll shred them and make sure they never end up with any untrustworthy or unsavory types. Or any racists. Or cannibals.
It’s as easy as that. Problem solved.
So, this May 6th, at 5:00pm, just head on down to the 19th Precinct with “any and all documents you have.” And they mean exactly that. They want “check books, pay stubs, credit card statements or any item that contains your personal information.” They’ll take it all.
And, once again, don’t worry. The NYPD has no history of working with the CIA on shady intelligence-gathering operations targeted at their own citizens or anything like that.
So come help the NYPD help make your future safer. There is no reason to be suspicious about what their motives may be in collecting all of your most personal and private info.
Blake Henderson lives in New York City and thinks the NYPD has one of the hardest jobs in the world. He also thinks everyone can always do better and that everyone should stop using clip art.
