It’s A Good Time To Be A Sports Fan
Outside lies infection. On sports TV, it’s non-stop replays of classic games.
These are great days for sports fans. Eternal optimists in the face of season-ending injuries, unforeseen calamities and bullshit reffing, we’ve long been accustomed to our lives being rearranged by an indifferent universe and incompetent administration.
A walk-off, bloop single by their Mendoza Line utility infielder. Our big plans discarded like a crumpled sweat rag the moment their killer frontline punches us in the mouth. Sports fandom comes with a price and we’re all familiar with its terrible toll.
In the time of the coronavirus, though? There is no pain. Only victory. Guaranteed.
The casual observer will tell you they like “good games.”
“As long as it’s close, I don’t care who wins,” they’ll declare as if kissing your sister is the essence of sports.
Sports fans who lose 10 pounds in anxiety-sweat before every big game — and gain it all back in anxiety-drinking when we’re down two with three minutes to go and they have the ball — hate close games. We prefer blowouts. We relish taking a huge lead in the first ten minutes then coasting to victory because this allows us to high five our buds for three straight hours and savor…
