Dear Kiddos, Mommy is Sick.

Dear Loves of my Life,

I was diagnosed officially and unfortunately with the same genetic disease my Daddy had. We found out on this past Wednesday that I was in stage 2. It pains me to tell you this for 2 reasons. You both have the same odds of getting this that I had now. Which is 50/50. The second reason is, it’s likely that I will miss so much in your life. I feel extreme guilt. You both will never know. My life has always been you boys. I live and breathe for you both. I know Mommy has been different this past year and a half, but the Dr. said that was the disease working on my brain. They said it affects your brain up to 10 years prior to the actual testing. I don’t want to discuss statistics and medical talk. My goal with this blog is to let you know everyday until my brain and body no longer allows how much you’re loved.

My first born, how can I begin to tell you how much I absolutely adore you. I had you so young and i feel like we have grown up together. You’re so brilliantly smart. I always say to people that it doesn’t come from me. We know you must’ve got from my Dad or your Dad’s side. lol Can I tell you how much I admire your strength and unwillingness to compromise who you are. You stand up for what’s right, non-judgmental, and know where you stand at all times. I didn’t have a clue who I was until I turned 29. You’re hilarious and at times inappropriate. But I wouldn’t have you any other way. I’m in awe of your conviction everyday. You’re my best friend and don’t you ever forget it. Even though you’re now 16 and hate being around me. lol I love you beyond words.

To the baby of the family, I melt whenever you’re around. I’m like putty in your hands. One day you will know when this custody battle is all done, that I never left you. That’s a discussion for another day. Please just never forget that the time we’ve had apart has destroyed my heart and I haven’t been the same. I have fought tooth and nail for you. Truth is, it’s a David and Goliath fight and unfortunately I’m on the losing end. You’re my baby, my heart, and both you and your brother are the reasons I breathe. I had you much older then when I had your brother. It was a different type of relationship. I had grown and morphed into a different parent. Everyone grows with time and age. You were my ace, my twin, and we were connected by the hip. Just remember when you’re older and read this is that everything isn’t what it seems. Also, remember that you’re flesh of my flesh. Your smile is mine, as well as those beautiful bright eyes. Don’t ever let anyone try to change your quirky personality. My dear sweet son, you’re wonderful and beautiful just as you are. I love you more that life itself.

I’m sure I have bored you both to tears. I love you both very much. I will post again tomorrow.

Love Always,

Mommy