My New Life with Huntington.

I wanted to write while I was having a good day and felt up to it. My new life consists of lots of naps (took three yesterday), working out (at a very slow pace), and making peace with God (which has been a hard battle). I’m taking a ton of medicines which between them and the disease, I’m just exhausted. I used to work out with one goal in mind. To be thin, toned, and burn the most calories possible. I’ve actually gained 15 pounds with my new medicines. The old me would’ve died, but it just seems so trivial now. Now, I work out at a very slow speed and burning hardly any calories with one very important purpose. To live. My Dr. told me 30 minutes a day could possibly help my disease and maybe give me a few extra years. The peace with God and I’m sorry if I offend anyone or their spirituality, has been the hardest for me. I actually went to church last week and left during the first song. The lyrics hit me and I realized I was upset with God. So I left. I haven’t been able to talk to God about my disease nor for myself in general. I have still been saying prayers for others, but couldn’t dare speak to him yet about this. Until today. I asked my Mom (who’s my numero uno) to come with me. She held my hand while the songs played. Then the sermon began. I’ll be damned if it’s not about Joseph and how he was sold to be a slave. How he still had faith during adversity. Right there, I broke down and started to pray about my disease and how it was affecting me and my whole family. I was in tears. The ugly type of cry too. I’m not the type to go in front of a congregation and ask for prayers. Something came over me and with my Momma in hand, I walked up to the preacher and he prayed for us. Yes, I’m upset and pissed that now not just myself is affected, but also my first born baby. However, I know now that although I have pushed God away, he’s been here in the background all along. My Momma (sorry, I’m southern), said to me that there’s noway that I could find the strength to fight this if I had been all alone. God is a big God and can take a lot. He knew I just needed time and space to think this through. Btw. This was only my second time being at this church and I really enjoyed it. I may even join. So two good things happened today. I’m back on track with my faith and I may have found a church to call home. All of the other things that I have been worried about, such as my shaking, typos, and jerking don’t even matter. I’m finally at the stage of acceptance. I’m at peace. I maybe slower, more tired, and bigger, but those things don’t define me nor does my Huntingtons! I am just a newer version of me and that’s all I can be! Everyone have a wonderful Funday Sunday!