Survivor

My son always ask me how I stay so positive and happy. I thought about it one day and I even had to take the time to answer that to myself. I’ve been through very traumatic experiences, but I survived. The answer is I’m a survivor. I look at my past as learning lessons. I learned how to love myself, respect and only accept nothing short of the same from others. I’ve learned my strengths and short comings and I’m proud of the person I am today. I couldn’t say that ten years ago. I was scared. I couldn’t be myself or grow in the relationship I was in. Not only did I allow myself to be held back from many opportunities in my career and with my kids. I was scared of who I was with and who I had become.

I always said I would never be a girl that would get married or have another child. Much less one who would tolerate any sort of physical abuse. However, I was 23 and he was 35. I paid all of our bills for many years in an upscale neighborhood, as I was the only one working. I paid for him to drive a brand new infinity, meanwhile I was borrowing his parents 99 Acura. I in all ways was the stable one for the first 3 years. I kept insurance in him and my children their whole lives. Yet, I was a shell of whom I used to be. This opinionated and outgoing human that always stood up for myself. Originally, he said he loved that about me. They always do. They always know what to say right before they break you down. I was starting to see red flags when he began to take back gifts and emotionally abuse me in the first 9 mts. So, I broke up with him and no contact for a week. Even though he tried. I was done. Boom, a week later on Valentine’s day I found out I was pregnant. I thought like all young and naive girls, maybe a baby would change him. My cousin said no, come up here to VA and raise the kids here. This isn’t going to go well.

I stayed. I shouldn’t have. She was right and not even a week after having my baby, he put his hands on me while holding the baby due to my “lack of cleaning” well. Long story short and choking, a brain injury, bruises, dragged by my hair and arms, threatened daily to kill me if I took my child, stalked, punched, and so much more he ended up with custody. Even worst, I can’t see my child for 5 years due to a restraining order that’s beyond bogus. I’ll probably be dead due to my illness before that’s over. He’s a con artist. Everyone knew and said nothing. His own mom saw him attack me and break my belongings weekly. She even told me she wished he died and she doesn’t know how I never defended myself. He had a gun under the bed, that’s how. The only reason I’m giving my testimony is I want my legacy to not be associated to a psychopath or to all of those whom were mandated reporters and didn’t do anything that would help our family or possibly save a life, but if I just help one person know that they too can change their story and move on. You can do that. If not for you, but for your children. My 19 year old still has PTSD and I carry that terrible burden.

If I could tell my younger self or other men and women, here are warning signs.

Taking back gifts, taking keys or phone so you can’t leave or get help, stalking you, taking pictures of your mail or documents, buying gifts to make up for bad behavior, and the most obvious if you’re scared emotionally or physically. Leave. Document. Restraining orders or Orders of Protection. In the state of tn if you have it documented that you’ve asked then to leave you alone twice that’s cause for harassment. I know it seems tough. There’s long waiting lists at shelters and programs, but call a social worker with your county DHS and especially at the beginning of the year. They have grants to get you back into an apartment or housing. They can even sometimes pay your Deposits and first month rent.

If you ever have any questions I know a lot about this and not just Huntington Disease. Lol please don’t hesitate to reach out and I’m leaving the domestic violence hotline below.

To all the cops, magistrate, medical field, psychiatrist if if you know better then you need to do better. You’re serving the community and it’s your duty to inform and assist. That goes for the DA too. You’re failing TN families in terms of domestic violence and statistics.

+18007997233
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