Now the birth of Jesus the Messiah took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph, being a righteous man and unwilling to expose her to public disgrace, planned to dismiss her quietly. But just when he had resolved to do this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.”
Matthew 1:18–20
A bishop who once visited my childhood church introduced me to a fairly well-known analogy on giving and receiving. He explained that Sea of Galilee is full of life, vibrant, and filled with fish because it receives the Jordan River and it gives it back as the river flows through and continues on. The Jordan then flows into the Dead Sea. He explained that the Dead Sea is dead because it receives but does not give.
This analogy, like many others, focuses on how it is more blessed to give than to receive. But as a middle-aged Black woman, I now know that giving is only more blessed when you are also receiving.
How interesting it is that I cannot remember hearing one analogy that speaks to the blessedness of receiving, while giving is a constant expectation. The truth is that constant giving with no receiving stifles life and growth. Jennifer Hudson captures the impact of always giving with little to no reciprocation brilliantly in her song Burden Down:
“When I lay this burden down, who’s gonna take it up for me?
When you run me in the ground, that’s the day you’re gonna see
For all I’ve done I’m alone, just for a moment can I not be strong?
So how ‘bout now, oh can I lay, this burden down?”
The first time I heard the song, I kept it on repeat for an entire week. The heavy expectation to be strong at all times manifests unconsciously as the idea that we are not worthy of support, or as being perceived as weak if we need support. This is true for many women of color, and particularly for Black women.
We are shaped from birth to carry the burdens of those around us in every context; from family, to work, and even church. We are compared to Eurocentric femininity and often found wanting in the eyes of those who feel justified in judging us.
So we work, earn, and fight both consciously and unconsciously to achieve or hold varying levels of “acceptability” amid all the burdens that life places on us. This is what Zora Neale Hurston alluded to when she referred to Black women as the mules of the earth.
Mary carried the Savior of the World in her brown-skinned, teenaged body before marriage. Her circumstance epitomized what the world rejects as “unacceptable”. And yet, when her closest means of support was preparing to walk away, God became her defense. God is the most reliable witness to our worth and value when others are limited by their own perceptions and bias toward us.
Advent reminds us that when we say yes to God, we are free to carry what God is birthing in us without the burden of crafting our own defense. When our yes to God invites rejection, even from the most honorable among us (as Joseph was), God affirms our need for support and makes a way for us to receive it. This advent Jesus invites us to lay our burdens down.
When I lay this burden down, who’s gonna take it up for me?
God will.
Prophetic Practice
Where in your life right now is it more blessed to receive than give? Take a moment to give thanks for the areas where you are well-supported, and to pray for the areas where you need more.
