(Re)Pairing Polarities
Originally pinned 7.29.18
Sometimes it doesn’t feel worth it.
Constantly championing this grand idea, enduring the pain of disappointment, betrayal, and rejection only to remain defiantly steadfast in overcoming. Is that really the extent of it?
Maybe I’m oversimplifying. In fact, I definitely am.
But sometimes it feels like too much. Knowing the grand truth for what we’re all here to do/be, and still living it out.
Or maybe this is just part of the process. The agony + ecstasy. The freedom + imprisonment.
I know things will get better. They always, always do. But how do you get through the moment when heartbreak, disillusion, and disappointment is so prevalent, it feels like you can’t see clearly. Like your chest is caving in, and you have to actively remind yourself to keep breathing? How do you move forward when it feels like life has come to a standstill, and all your choices, which are cyclical in nature, force you to confront that you’ve been the one with the key all along.
- How do you take radical responsibility without self-blaming?
- How do you you proclaim yourself a survivor, without perpetuating victimhood?
- How do you empower yourself, while surrendering to the reality that you have no control over how others treat you?
- How do you overcome the the pain of disappointment + failure, while still allowing the emotions they entail to spill through you?
These are not easy questions with easy answers. They are all rife with polarities that ask us to balance human nature with higher nature. Gut instinct with divine intervention. Pain with pride. Fear with freedom. It’s a constant tight rope walk that demands the impossible task of balancing the external noise with internal poise. II feels unreasonable, and discouraging, like setting one’s self up for failure.
But we hear about it all the time; there’s beauty in the breakdown. What does the notion really mean though? What does it mean to find beauty in destruction, pain, trauma, failure, disappointment?
For me, finding beauty in the breakdown is about letting go of the need to understand, and surrendering to the fact that sometimes you have to experience a breakdown to have a major breakthrough.
It’s about honoring that space in-between the breakdown + the breakthrough, by earnestly reflecting on your inner world, beliefs, and paradigms that contributed to the unfolding of the seemingly undesirable event
It’s about slowing down, being kind to yourself, and allowing your raw humanness to flash in living color. It means making space for wisdom without self-ridicule.
It’s about honing in on the lessage, and doing your best to minimize the importance of the lessenger.
And yet, it’s also about allowing yourself to feel rage against the injustice. because rage is a notch above depression, and it motivates the change necessary to shift your perception/beliefs, and thus your circumstances.
It’s about allowing yourself to vacillate between the frequencies of higher perspective, and base human emotion. It means tuning into the natural order of (your) nature, and becoming the wave that flows through the current.
To allow. To unfold. To self-correct through intervals of anchor + flow.
It’s about (re)pairing polarities, and being all you have the capacity to be as mind, body, and spirit. It’s about not rejecting any aspect of what is, and opening yourself to the natural progression of breaking + building that is creation itself.
I never said it was easy. But it’s life. And it never stops. The sooner we can commit to learning + loving ourselves, the sooner we can learn to love the beautiful messy privilege that is being human.
