Don’t Make Everything About One Thing
(Note to self)
It’s easy to become obsessed.
We don’t think that’s what we’re doing, because whatever obsesses us just seems so damn important that no one can talk us out of it. And we want to fix things, make things right, get to the heart of the problem and ring its neck. Conscientious people with high standards and goals will drive themselves crazier than anyone trying to perfect things and solve problems. And in so doing, in focusing on this one obstacle, goal or challenge with increasing determination and sometimes near panic, we make everything about one thing, at least in our minds, which it never really is. We almost forget that there is an infinite life of other things going on outside it.
A year ago I played a good role in a new television show that is on fire right now. As soon as I finished working on it I added my credit to IMDB and it’s been languishing there the entire year. Then suddenly, a few weeks after my episode began airing and the show was blowing up, the reviews are incredible, everyone’s raving about it, my online credit disappeared. It was one of those senselessly surreal things that just come at you out of nowhere for no conceivable reason, at exactly the most bizarre time, that your mind can’t even wrap around, that makes you suddenly feel like you’re tripping. You picture someone sitting at IMDB tinkering with your credits, going, hey, here’s a huge major credit this guy’s getting on this wildly popular show, nobody should have that much fun and attention, let’s take it off!
I scrambled to put my credit back on and didn't get a response for over a week.
I contacted a few producers and asked them to submit the credit also, which they graciously did. Finally the credit reappeared for two days, and warily I waited. Then I looked again and someone had added “uncredited” next to my character and name, which is totally inaccurate.
Now I’m tripping all over again, except that I’d already been dealing with this for two weeks, so there’s a cumulative effect where this drug of purely ridiculous and utterly crazy bullshit has already warped your psyche. I’d been waking up and going to sleep trying to fix this, it mattered to me, and it could be impacting my career. At the very moment the show’s getting raves and kudos, and everyone in the film and TV industry are researching everyone on it, IMDB’s not giving me the credit I worked for and deserve and performed. The screen credit is clearly given at the end of the episode, but they’re in a sense saying it’s not there. Then they’re saying it’s there, all right, but the production isn't crediting you, because you weren't important enough to be credited, which is utter hogwash. I was credited.
For weeks while trying to fix the problem I’d try to get away from it, stand back from it and say, oh, it’ll work out, they’ll get it straight, just relax. I’d work on a short story, do other film auditions, play hours of pick up basketball, and try to believe it wasn't driving me crazy, but it was. Not stark raving crazy, but enough to be constantly shaking my head chuckling and going, why me? Who did this? What the hell is wrong with these people? It’s like you won the lottery, but in reverse, you are the random poor son of a bitch we’ll pick on this month and drive up the wall.
And so for weeks I was making to a large extent everything about one thing, which is a big mistake.
When we focus too hard on one thing we don’t give life to the other things flourishing around us, the other possibilities, the other gifts being left at our doorstep. It’s the same psychology as when someone breaks your heart or abandons you and that person becomes the only person in the world suddenly, the only one that matters. It seems like there is nobody else. We’re stricken and obsessed and we can’t let go or get out or care about anyone else.
But in the meantime the world is brimming around us. Billions of lives are going on around us that we haven’t met or experienced, that are all part of exactly the same spirit we just lost. We micro focus on this one human being so obsessively we’re blind to the rest. And when we make everything about one thing, we've given all our power to it, like that fickle or disloyal ex lover. We've made our whole life about something that doesn't even care as much about us as that ex lover, because usually it isn't another human being that consumes us, it’s something that has to do with money or power or simply being appreciated. Something that is illogically nerve wracking.
In the throes of worrying and fretting over things that mean a lot to us, we should always try to step back and look at the bigger picture.
Sometimes we’re dealt hands that aren't fair, sometimes we have to fix things that don’t want to be fixed, but they’re usually not worth getting angry about, which only makes us miserable. It isn't true that we’ll get more satisfaction out of trying to fix something if we obsess over it more and make ourselves less happy. Work on it, then emotionally step back and wait and watch. Unless it’s something that has to be attacked proactively all the time, and even if it does, making ourselves crazy over it is depriving ourselves of our peace of mind right now, on this day, which really we can’t put a price on. And if that’s what’s happening, we need to examine our goal and decide if anything on earth, especially man-made, is really worth that in the first place.
It was a simple mistake IMDB made, but when I went on their public forum I realized there were many more like me out there, trying to fix maddening problems, some much worse than mine. And gradually I stepped back and thought, no, I’m taking my life back, I won’t be controlled or a slave to any other entity, especially my own need to be appreciated, to get credit for something I've already done well. The credit will come if you keep working and looking ahead. That obsessive need is not our friend. We have to appreciate and respect ourselves, do what we can to fix things, and live life without anger or fear or obsessive desire, like there’s no tomorrow.
Until next week, of course, when they screw it all up again.
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Ron Clinton Smith is a film actor and writer of stories, songs, poetry, screenplays, and the novel Creature Storms.
