Be Pretty, Not Petty
On a warm evening this summer, a friend and I made our way downtown in search of a patio to grab cocktails. We ended up stumbling into the Taste of Italy street festival. The air was filled with the sound of Latin music and the sweet aroma of Italian foods. The street was busy with people. Toronto women, well known for their beauty, were out in force, stunning in their best summer fashion. My friend and I pointed out cute outfits, fabulous shoes and flawlessly made-up faces.
As the night wound down, a girl in a killer outfit strutted by us. We stopped her to tell her how amazing she looked. Her response was saddening. Not only did she look surprised, she actually asked, “Are you messing with me? Are you making a joke?” Somehow she mistook our compliments for meanness. It made me wonder if she’d gotten the Regina George Mean Girls treatment in the past. Had someone told her outfit was “totally fetch” only to call it “fugly” as she walked away? I wouldn’t be surprised. Girls can be mean. Unbelievably mean.
Surprisingly, some of the meanest girls are the prettiest ones. They’re the ones with the bodies to die for and the perfect hair. If Regina George and crew taught us anything, it’s that pretty girls can often be the most insecure and it makes them cruel. They behave as if being kind to another woman would somehow steal their own beauty away. But they aren’t all like that.
My circle of friends is filled with beautiful women. Every time I go out, no matter which of my girls are with me, I’m surrounded by pretty faces. Melanin popping, hair laid to the gods, makeup on point, and dressed to the nines, all of my queens come out to slay and they know it. It’s something I’m proud of. I enjoy being in the company of women who are striking and aren’t afraid to own it.
Over the years, I’ve learned to be careful to discern which pretty faces have attitudes to match. I’m drawn to women who radiate confidence and positivity. I seek out the women whose hearts are as lovely as their faces. Among women like that, there’s no sense of competition. They’re not interested in outshining anybody or putting anyone down to boost their own self-esteem. Instead, they’re quick to acknowledge the beauty of other women because they know it doesn’t threaten their own.
I’d love for more women to be like this: confident, genuine and kind. I want for more of our exchanges to be like the sweet and friendly conversations that happen in nightclub bathrooms when alcohol makes girls friendlier to each other. I’d like us to be so intoxicated on our self-assurance that nothing inhibits our ability to be nice to each other.
That’s not say that we can’t have insecurities. We all have them. Every woman I know criticizes herself for one “flaw” or another from time to time, but they love themselves more than they dislike their flaws. They understand that they are too beautiful to get lost in hating someone else for their beauty and they sprinkle compliments like confetti.
If you’re still holding on to your inner mean girl, lay her to rest. Bury her with the insecurity and self-doubt that makes compliments and kindness seem impossible. Learn to love yourself enough to know that another woman’s beauty isn’t a threat. Stop giving other girls a reason to feel that a stranger’s compliments could only ever be thorns instead of roses.
Before we walked away from that girl, my friend and I reassured her, “No honey, you really are beautiful.” We watched the doubt in her eyes turn to surprise and her face crack into a smile. And I swear, in that moment, I felt more beautiful.
