Here’s to Girlfriends Who Feel Like Soulmates
On my last trip to Barbados, I got my first tattoo. Getting a tattoo was something I had been contemplating for a very long time, but being terrified of pain, I kept putting off. I had every excuse in the world. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what I wanted. It was too expensive. I wasn’t sure which tattoo artist I would use. And even when I had solutions to all those problems, I still put it off.
Then on my last weekend in Barbados, my childhood best friend suggested that we get tattoos. The artist was good, the price was right and we’d decided on the perfect matching design. But it wasn’t any of that got me to lay on my side while the tattooist etched ink permanently into my skin. It was the fact that I was getting it with her. We giggled and grimaced and squeezed each other’s hands as we got tattooed with the same three symbols in the same spot on our body.
“Love. Transcend. Protect.” Marked in glyphs on the left side of our bodies, near our hearts. A promise to each other to upkeep a friendship that started from before we could speak and never wavered, even with oceans between us. She is one of a few people who really understands me, who loves me for the person I am, and genuinely cares about my happiness and well-being as much as her own. She’s someone I tell deep secrets and ugly truths to. I trust her with everything. Our friendship is a genuine bond built on honesty, growth, and mutual support.
This has become my new standard for friendship. So often, we establish what I refer to as “friendships of convenience.” People who were in our grade in high school or our classes at university, workmates we see for 40 hours a week, people who live nearby or share mutual friends naturally become people we think of as friends. And it’s not that we don’t genuinely enjoy being around those people, but a lot of the time, there’s no depth. A lot of those friendships will fall off as you reach the limits of your shared settings and interests. They’ll be disrupted by distance, major life events or tragedy. Attempts at reunions will feel forced and awkward and promises to meet up will be nothing but words. And that’s ok. Some friendships are only for a season.
But I feel like every woman should have that handful of friends that feel more like sisters or soulmates. It is important to establish and nurture friendships with women who will be there for you in your darkest hours. We need friends who will stay up on the phone on a three way call until the early hours of the morning and just let us cry about our latest heartaches. We need friends who will support us, even when we have nothing to give back. We need friends who will mourn our losses and celebrate our victories with us. We need friends who know when they need to just let us cry it out, and when to tell us to pull ourselves together and keep on keeping on. These are the friends that will be there, in spirit, if not in person, when you get your first good job, buy your first house, get married, give birth to your babies. They’ll be there if you lose your job, get divorced, or lose a loved one.
Friendships like these aren’t easy to come by, and just like a romantic relationship, these deep and genuine friendships, platonic as they are, take work. A lot of the time, we fail to put forth the effort in our platonic friendships, but these women will likely be here before the person we settle down with, and heaven forbid that relationship should fail, those women will be there afterwards. So find women who make you feel fulfilled, empowered and loved by their friendship. Love them back. Look out for their well-being. Support their endeavours. Share your soul with them. As someone who has found a handful of strong, beautiful women I consider good friends, I can say with confidence that having this kind of friendship is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. When I think of my childhood best friend and all the beautiful souls in my life, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I wouldn’t trade friendships like these for anything in the world. So raise a glass with good friends, and while you’re at it, raise a glass to good friends too.
First published at Real Brown Girls
