I Am A Feminist. Here Is What That Means To Me.

In my second year of university, I took a creative writing course. We were assigned to write a fictional short story. I wrote what was undoubtedly a feminist story about a woman who felt trapped by the societal expectations of womanhood. My protagonist was a thirty-something mother with a new baby, a lemon yellow kitchen and an overwhelming sense that she was failing as a mother because she wanted to go back to work.

The bulk of the story was a conversation between my character and her mother about how every woman is free to balance life as she sees fit. That’s the very basis of feminism, and yet, I started that story with this line: “I am not a feminist. I don’t want to burn my bras and throw rocks at men.” And while those words were attributed to my character, the belief really was mine.

At the time, I didn’t consider myself a feminist because I legitimately believed that feminism was all about hating men and rejecting stereotypically feminine things. Considering I was, and still am, a hopeless romantic in love with a man and the poster child for girlishness, I couldn’t possibly see how I could claim feminism.

Thank all the gods for education. I got a good grade on the story, but my TA had circled my opening line and written a little note. She said, “You know this isn’t what feminism is all about, right?” Truthfully, I didn’t. My narrow-minded view was really all I understood of the movement. But like I said, thank all the gods for education. Feminist theory came up in a few of my university courses, and I eventually took “Intro to Women’s Studies.”

The more I learned about feminism, the more I realized it was exactly what I believed in. I realized I agreed with bell hooks when she said women didn’t need to be validated by anyone else. I agreed with Audre Lorde when she said no woman is free until we’re all free. I agreed with Angela Davis when she said she believed in “inhabiting contradictions.” And more recently, I agreed with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie when she defined a feminist as “a person who believes in the social, economic and political equality of the sexes.”

So where did the hang up come from? Probably from the same place that makes women I would describe as feminists vehemently refuse to wear the label. The picket signs scrawled with “Down with men!” The brand of “feminism” that paints all men as the enemy and every female-male interaction as harassment. The kind of “feminists” who judge other women for enjoying makeup and short dresses and catering to the men in their lives. The kind of “feminism” that behaves as if women are without flaw and above persecution.

Frankly, I don’t consider those beliefs to be feminism at all. Here’s what I do believe.

1. Feminism is for all women.

Black women, white women, women of colour. Fat women, slim women, women who love their bodies, and the ones who are still figuring it out. Rich women, poor women, women in the tiny corners of the world. Straight women, gay women, bi women, trans women. Women who love romance and women who love work. Every last one of us. That means I am not here for white feminism (and if you’re offended by that, Google “Susan B. Anthony AND racist” and then come back and read the rest of this post).

2. A woman’s place is wherever the hell she wants to be.

I’m not here for “back to the kitchen” jokes. Women belong in boardrooms and on ball courts. In politics and cockpits. In killer pant suits and military uniforms. In the classroom and on the Nobel Prize list. The only thing that should keep a woman out of a job is if she isn’t qualified and the only thing that should keep a woman at home is if she wants to be there.

3. A woman’s body is her own.

I am as entitled to enjoy my smoothly shaved legs as another woman is to embrace her armpit hair. A woman is not an incubator and the rights to abortion shouldn’t be decided by men who will never carry a baby. “No”, in all its variations mean no, and literally nothing — no outfit, no dinner, no drink bought at a bar — makes a man entitled to sex. Whether a woman is wrapped in a short skirt, a hijab or a power suit, everyone should just shut up about it.

4. Double standards have to go.

I am against double standards that say that men can have multiple sexual partners and women can’t. I embrace the idea of stay-at-home dads and working moms. Assertive and powerful women aren’t bitches, they’re bosses just like men. And I’m also for dismantling the double standards that unfairly serve women. I’m all for women paying for dates or splitting the bill. I don’t believe women should automatically have the upper hand in custody battles. And I definitely believe that women shouldn’t get a pass to be violent and abusive to men without consequence.

5. Feminism is for men.

I believe that dismantling the patriarchy means that men can stop pretending not to have emotions. It means that men can prioritize their mental and physical health over machismo. I’m here for men not having to hide their interest in arts and fashion for fear of being called “girly” or “gay.” And I believe in the importance of men being able to acknowledge and address their experiences with rape and sexual assault as valid.

I don’t have the most sophisticated understanding of feminism. There are women (and men!) out there who can talk circles around me when it comes to feminist theory. But what I do know for sure is that I am a feminist, a woman who believes in the equality of the sexes for the greater good of us all. I’m here for shattering glass ceilings, pushing boundaries, and kicking ass. I am a feminist and this is what it means to me.