You Think You Know Me But You Don’t
I’ve been called optimistic, inspirational and kind.
Some have even described me as futuristic and introspective.
Although those are qualities I value, those are only the tip of the iceberg.
You think you know me but you don’t.
When I sleep I need background noise.
Without something to focus on my mind starts to wander aimlessly in desperation to find something to think about.
Once thinking begins there’s no telling when I will fall asleep.
The introspection in me is at times my own worst enemy.
You think you know me but you don’t.
When the phone rings I cringe.
Growing up my parents monitored all of my phone calls, pretending they were not listening in when a friend attempted to call me.
In college I was also forced to call my parents from the dorm to say goodnight every night.
I forgot to mention that the constant phone battle continued well into my adulthood and married life.
It was not until recently, with the domination of text messages, that this came to a halt.
That optimism you see in me? That’s my attempt to overcome battle scars and recurring nightmares.
You think you know me but you don’t.
I was bullied as a child.
I endured many years of emotional abuse, specifically during my adolescence.
Eighth grade was the worst year of my life.
The kindness that you see in me is an attempt to give others hope.
You think you know me but you don’t.
I am constantly fighting and overcoming perfectionism.
I give myself impossible standards to live by.
The good news? I give 110 percent to everything I commit to.
The bad news? I always burn myself out.
This is certainly not a sustainable way to live.
I’m an expert at covering my burn out, most of the time ignoring it until it starts to affect my health in the most unexpected ways.
Remember how you called me inspiring?
I know how it feels to feel beaten up and uninspired.
The last thing I ever want is for others to go through what I have endured.
I want to be the cheerleader I didn’t have, for I believe everyone has value if they give themselves a chance.
You think you know me but you don’t.
What I fear most is regret.
When I’m quiet, I am pulling double duty.
I am listening intently while thinking of every possible opportunity, angle, challenge or idea that can come from what you said.
Some call me creative, while others call me futuristic. I like to focus on the big picture and work my way down (that is, if my idealistic mind let’s me come down).
The reality is that I have immense fear of missing out.
I’ve come to realize that moments come and go.
If you don’t seize them you may never have the stars line up for you again.
I can’t live with the anxiety of knowing I may have missed a chance of a lifetime.
If you observe me dreaming big or doing something unexpected, that’s me taking advantage of what life has to offer.
You think you know me but you don’t.
Or am I just assuming you don’t?
Maybe you do see the deeper meaning behind my actions.
People change.
People grow.
Maybe it’s now me who doesn’t truly know herself.
It’s time to merge perceptions with facts. And dreams with reality.
I’m ready. The question is, are you?
Be fearless. Own who you are and love it. Join our journey of empowerment by following us and/or sharing your story. Contact Andrea at andrea@sparkstory.co for more details.
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