Gender Equality … and why it takes generations to fix

One amazing thing that is happening right now (in the western world) is how we have almost reached the point where gender equality is becoming the norm (although the US is lagging behind).

When it comes to gender equality, there are two parts to it. There is the equal opportunity part where, if you want to, you can do it regardless of gender. And there is the equal society part, where, for instance, there are just as many female CEOs as male CEOs.

The latter is obviously much harder to achieve than the former.

Take something like racing. If you are a woman, you can be a successful racer, like Danica Patrick, but the sport itself and the sponsor support is clearly still very male dominated (and incredibly sexist).

Or take something like tennis. You can be a very successful female tennis player, but that industry is still heavily dominated by a male-first thinking. For instance, the price money is almost double for men, which is just insane.

But this illustrates the difference between equal opportunity and equal society. You can be a successful tennis player if you want to, but it will take generations to replace all those old men who are used to thinking if gender roles in the old way.

This is true everywhere.

Alan Alda, the famous actor, recently came out with a book about communication. The book itself is excellent, but in a few places he reveals how old he really is (81). In one section of the book he tries to argue that men should do their equal share of the house work, like cleaning, doing the dishes, cooking, etc.

But then he starts to make the argument that there is a ‘benefit’ to doing this as men. He says that ‘It has long been known that doing the dishes can be a form of foreplay. […] and that, if you do it, it might lead to something later’.

This is just terrible advice, and it clearly illustrates how old he is.

The reason why men should do the dishes isn’t because it might lead to sex. Men should do the dishes because they are dirty. This is literally the only reason you need. And this is why young people (regardless of gender) do it.

So, even though Alan Alda means well and try to promote equality, there is a generational gap that prevents him from thinking about this in the right way.

Again, we see the difference between equal opportunity and equal society. Men can do the dishes, but to a lot of older men, they still see it as a woman’s job, so they are just doing it to help the woman.

Young people don’t think like this. They do the dishes because they are dirty. They don’t see it as a gender specific role.

Even though we have already achieved gender equality for many things, it will still take another 40 years (two generations) before it will fully equalize.

That’s a long time.

Things are even worse when we look outside the western world to countries where they don’t even have equal opportunity yet.

UN Woman recently did a study that looked at ‘attitudes toward gender roles’, and for some countries the result was just shocking.

Take Egypt:

First look at the men.

86.7% of the men think a woman’s role is to take care of the house, and 98% think that women are responsible for the children.

This in itself is pretty bad, but it gets a lot worse.

53.4% of the men believe that woman should be beaten, and a staggering 90% believes that the women should just tolerate it.

And…

77.9% believe that men should have guardianship over woman, and even 79.8% believing that brothers should have a guardianship over their sisters.

And worse than that…

Only 8.3% of the men think that unmarried women should have the same rights as unmarried men.

This is practically slavery. A huge majority of Egyptian men actually believes that women are their slaves. It’s just mind boggling that this is even a thing in today’s world. Obviously there is a big problem with the men in Egypt.

But then look at the Egyptian women and you see something even more shocking, because most of them agree with the men.

76.7% of the Egyptian women also believe it’s their role to take care of the house, and 85.6% believe they are solely responsible for child care.

That’s only 10 percentage points less than the men.

But it gets worse.

70.9% of the women say they should just accept to be beaten by a man, with 32.8% thinking that the men has a right to beat them. A further 58.5% of the women believe the man has the final say.

Wait… what?

1/3 of the woman believe men should beat them if they don’t agree? How is this even possible? This is basically the Stockholm Syndrome on a countrywide scale.

And when it comes to equal rights:

Only 33.4% of the woman believe that unmarried women should have the same rights as unmarried men.

This means that 2/3 of the women in Egypt don’t believe in equal rights. It just boggles your mind.

So, what we are seeing here is a generational problem, which will take a very long time to fix even with the best of intentions. For Egypt, it will take at least two or three generations before they even reach the point we are at in Northern Europe. That’s 40 years from now.

After that, it will probably take another two generations for them to also achieve an equal society. So, we are talking 80 years before this is fully fixed.

80 years!

This doesn’t mean that things aren’t changing. Across Egypt and similar countries, there is a growing debate about gender equality and they are slowly moving in the right direction.

It just takes a very long time.

The same is true in the western countries. We are much further ahead in terms of equality, but there is so much old culture left over that prevents quick changes changes.

Think about how we look at kids, and what experience we give them early on.

For a young boy, often the parents actively encourage him to participate in sports, and play with toys related to future careers. So the boys are given space ships, police cars, construction toys, model cars, etc. to play with.

Meanwhile, young girls are encouraged to play with their friends… as friends. Here the focus is on having a lemonade party, playing with dolls, or other activities more commonly linked to house work.

So, even with the best of intentions, the old culture of the parents is a problem in itself, and if we then look at the grandparents it gets even worse.

If grandparents have to buy a Christmas present for a two children, one girl and one boy, their choices will be very different based on the gender. It’s not because they don’t mean well, it’s just how that generation thinks.

But things are getting better.

Many toy stores have stopped defining and categorizing their toys by gender. So you will no longer see a girls section separated from the boys section.

We also see how store assistants (in some stores) have taken on a stronger role in teaching parents and grandparents. So when a grandparent comes into a store to buy a ‘baby doll playset’ for a girl, the store assistant might ask what she is really interested in, and try to divert the sale to something more in line with the child’s actual interests.

So everywhere we see improvements.

In the US in particular, 2017 has just been a wonderful year. The combination of a number of high-profile harassment cases, female success stories and Wonder Woman have put so much focus on gender equality that it feels like the country has shifted 10 years forward in terms of ‘mindset’.

It doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem. There is!

In the US, the public might have become more gender equal in their thinking, but the US is very far from having an equal society. And the old men ‘in power’ seem to be doubling down on their old ways, rather than encourage further progress.

Again, it’s a generational problem, and the way to fix this is to elect a new generation (like what happened in Canada and in France). And this is true not just for governments, but for industries, boardrooms, startups, and in every other place.

Overall, everything is getting better, but it’s a slow change. Fixing gender equality isn’t transitional but generational.

And the best thing we can do is to keep moving forward.