I think I can be a software engineer…

but I have doubts. I think I can because of all the experience listed on my resume(PDF) in addition to the studying and practice and hours and hours (revealable by PILLARS) that I have put into making myself a worthy candidate.

I have doubts because I haven’t been fully employed as a software engineer yet, I’ve never done it. I have doubts because not everything I have ever done has been a success therefore this endeavor may also result in failure. I have doubts because jeez, sometimes I think that I’m too shy, or I’m not personable enough to have interviewers agree to hire me. I have doubts because algorithms are challenging. It takes me hours, days, to figure out what some are doing. Recursion blows up my mind. I have doubts because there is a new javaScript framework every week. I have doubts because there are so many thousands of other men and women trying to get jobs at the same companies I am trying to get a job at.

But I’ll keep trying.

But I’ll keep trying, perhaps irrationally. I don’t know how I define failure, the most extreme case would be I die and I never was hired as a software engineer. But do I really want to try my whole life? Well, am I willing to keep trying until the end of this year? Yes, I think I am. I think I can keep trying until December to find employment as a software engineer. If I didn’t get hired as a software engineer by then I don’t think I would have failed. That is not enough time to find a job; not to my mind.

Well, am I willing to keep trying until the end of next year? Yes, I am.

And the year after that? Also, yes.

And a decade after that? Also, yes.

And until I die? Well, I suppose yes.

I suppose that I am willing to try to become a software engineer for the rest of my life.

Am I willing to work in some other capacity in the interim? Well, I suppose the answer is yes. Am I willing to beg? Yes.

Am I willing to lie, cheat, steal? No, I don’t think so.

I suppose I am willing to do anything permissible within my moral framework, following the three pure precepts and the ten grave precepts.

Rationally, why do I think that I qualify as a software engineer? In no particular order:

1. I am an INTJ. INTJs are often thought of as very good personalities for software engineering. Independent. Analytical. Adverse to incompetence.

2. I study software engineering with diligence. The data resulting from my PILLARS time-tracking project shows that I have studied software engineering for 256 hours and 20 minutes from Februrary 11, 2015 to August 28, 2015.

3. I work on towards becoming a software engineer with diligence. The data resulting from my PILLARS time-tracking project shows that I have worked towards becoming a software engineer for 475 hours and 50 and minutes from February 11, 2015 to August 28, 2015. That includes applying to jobs, working on projects to build a portfolio, meeting with engineers.

4. I can build using modern web technology including HTML5/CSS, jQuery, Angular, D3. Using tools like Grunt, Git, GitHub, JIRA are second-nature to me.

5. I’m constantly improving. As time goes by I am becoming smarter about programming. I am thinking algorithmically about the space and time complexity of my code. I am understanding the underlying properties of my chosen language.

They say you aren’t an entrepreneur until you’ve made your first sale. I won’t be a software engineer until I’ve gotten my first title. “Software Engineer.” “Front End Web Developer.” “QA Engineer.” “Junior Developer.”

So my journey continues.