Conversation with My Wife (21)
A thermostat leaves New York at 9AM set to 68° while another thermostat leaves Chicago…
I love our pastor dearly; she’s a wonderful lady and she knows how to do her job. However. She is one of those people who believes that, if a room’s temperature is too warm (or cool), setting the room thermostat to a much lower (or warmer) temperature than actually required will make the room’s temperature change more quickly.
As we were reminded in church today when the a/c kicked in during the service. On an overcast rainy day. In February. In Pennsylvania.
It had been a cold night, so the temperature in the sanctuary before the service started was nice and warm and comfy… assuming you were out of your winter coat and sitting quietly in your pew. Someone wearing heavy robes and running around like crazy before the service, however, would have been sweating profusely, and thus might have thought that it was a good idea to turn down the thermostat. Or change it over to a/c. On an overcast rainy day. In February. In Pennsylvania.
So it was a nice service, but my wife was literally shivering next to me when it was over. So when we get into the car…
ME: “Okay, I’ve talked to Pastor Dani before about the thermostat, but I don’t think I explained it the right way. I thought of a better way.”*
DEB: “Honey, you can’t geeksplain things to Dani. Her mind doesn’t work like that.”
ME: “I know, but this is good. Say you’re on a train from New York to Chicago—”
DEB: “OH NO! Not the trains! Okay, so there’s a fly on the train, and…”
ME: <fly? what fly?> “No. No fly. So, you’re late getting to Chicago, and—”
DEB: “—and so’s the fly—”
ME: <plowing on> “—and you decide to book a ticket to Denver. But see? Getting a ticket to Denver won’t get you to Chicago any faster.”
DEB: “So you need to fly! See, I told you the fly would come into it!”
ME: <beginning to suspect my wife is not treating the discussion with the gravity it deserves> “No, see it’s— Okay, the train doesn’t—”
DEB: “Honey, I don’t think your example will help any. As soon as you mention trains, it turns into a math problem, and most people don’t like math problems.”
ME: “How is it a math problem? There aren’t any numbers!”
DEB: “And the fact that you have to ask that question, honey, is the reason why you won’t be able to explain thermostats to people who don’t already understand them.”
*Yes I was paying attention during the sermon. Shut up.
