Flex Moms: A New Way to SAHM
Book Review
Update: This book is now available for Kindle on Amazon — check it out here!
I had an opportunity to pre-review Sara Blanchard’s Flex Moms this week (set for publication February 9th), and, always being interested in all things SAHM, I jumped on it.
In our culture, we tend to see motherhood in two, starkly different stereotypes: on the one hand, you have the “Working Mom” model — an uptight career woman, always in black (or perhaps very, very, very dark blue), juggling her phone, her laptop, and her kid with a cold and expert precision. She is consumed with deadlines and clients and data, and darned if she’s going to let the fact that she reproduced stand in the way of her career goals! Contrast this with Stay-at-Home Mom model: hair in a drooping pony-tail, perpetually clad in yoga pants and her husband’s stained t-shirt, her mind never on anything but her children, entirely consumed with domestic matters to the exclusion of all else.
Neither of them are particularly appealing, and I have never met anyone in real life who looked like either one. Most working moms do make sacrifices for their children, and most SAHMs have interests and passions outside of their family. My view is that, even if they were in line with reality, neither of these stereotypes would be healthy for women or their children anyway. While children need to know that their parents prioritize their needs, being the absolute center of your parent’s universe is too much pressure for any child.
Blanchard’s book proposes a new way of approaching motherhood. Flex Momhood is for women who choose to stay home so that they can be present for their child full-time, but want to make room to pursue their personal passions as well.
I really love this concept, and found that it described exactly the kind of mom life I already lead and love. My “Flex Mom Story” starts with my childhood dream of becoming a writer (for more on the twists and turns that dream took, see this story). Working full time I never really had the energy to pursue writing— it wasn’t that I didn’t have enough time, but the time of day that I think most creatively (morning), I was sitting behind a desk working for someone else. I didn’t have the flexibility that I needed to optimize my time.
After I married my husband and we started our family, he was really the one who gave me the nudge to start working seriously at writing instead of just dabbling in it as an on again, off again hobby, which by that point is what it had become. It was his confidence in me — because he is definitely not a flattering type! — and his absorbing my passion into our family goals that really gave me the push I needed to go for it (and he’d never even read the Flex Mom book!). The freedom to pursue my writing without needing to “make it pay” (or at least not right away) was something that was unique to my situation as a SAHM — almost any writer will tell you that the road from picking up the pen to picking up the check is a long one, and some people give up long before they get to the end of it. But just as importantly, the freedom to pursue my writing without the guilt of feeling like I was shortchanging my family was essential to me in order to really feel good about going all in on it.
Blanchard delineates between SAHMs who pursue an at-home business venture to make a little money to round out the family budget, and SAHMs who are investing time in a personal passion:
The difference between the “Flex Mom” and the “Mompreneur” is that the Flex Mom follows her passion … and, while it can lead to an income, she isn’t doing it just to make a bit of money on the side. Being a Flex Mom involves pursuing something that reflects a core part of yourself, something that really resonates with your own interests.
This really fit me to a T. My writing is not about money (seriously, if I wanted to make money do you think this is what I’d be doing?)— we’ve survived on one income so far and we could go on doing it with or without a financial contribution from me — it’s about lending my voice to things that I care about.
This all sounds like a neat and tidy “happily ever after”, but as always, nothing is quite as easy as it sounds. Blanchard’s book addresses many of the practical, emotional, and relational pitfalls that are inevitable in pursuing a lifestyle that prioritizes being present for your children and family while simultaneously making room for your passion. This is not a book that will teach you how to succeed at your personal goals in spite of your family commitments, casting your husband and children as a ball and chain that are holding you back, but one that will teach you how to work together to achieve personal goals that align well with your family’s unique ethic.
Blanchard says:
Reframing is a way to look at the same situation and interpret it in a more positive way.
I think we need to do this with our lives as Stay-at-Home Moms. We desperately need new ways of looking at motherhood and the personal choices surrounding it, and Flex Mom does so in a refreshing way that gives women dignity by respecting their autonomy without reducing their value to a number on a paycheck.
“Flex Mom: The Secrets of Happy Stay-at-Home Moms” will be available for purchase on Amazon February 9th. To learn more, visit https://www.flexmombook.com/
