I’ll Pass On the Salt, Actually
You didn’t need to put those f-bombs in for me. Really.
I am fully expecting this article to be my most viewed, most recommended article yet. Why? Am I about to lay down some awesome writing the likes of which mere mortals have never seen? Am I about to throw a truth-bomb that will render my helpless readers naught but grateful shrapnel, proliferating in a mushroom cloud of social media approval?
That would be great, but probably not.
See, I don’t have to do that. I am relying on this lame stock-photo that I found on google image to do the dirty work for me. I mean, hellooooo … it’s a picture of a cuss word, and a picture of an attractive woman. I might as well stop now and retire from Medium forever, resting on the laurels which I am quite sure are coming to me as soon as I hit “publish” on this piece.
Roy Schlegel’s article, “I’m In Trouble Because of You”, got me started on this train of thought, by the way. Roy is experiencing a major Medium set-back. His wife doesn’t want him to curse on Medium anymore. His daughter happened see a no-no word (“ H-E-double-vacuum-cleaners”) in one of his articles after he got up and forgot to minimize his browser. You can guess what happened next. Next time little Susy (Roy, can I call your daughter “Little Susy” just this once?) was out of the room, Roy got a proper dressing down from his lady fair (and it’s cool with your wife if I call her “lady fair”?). Roy fought valiantly:
I couldn’t possibly live with the idea of being the only one at fault, so I threw the entire Medium community under the vehicle without hesitation.My contention was brilliant: Medium is an adult website, so reader expectations often gravitate to more mature, explicit content not typical in mainstream media. I spoke sternly about the proliferation of the website’s blue language and how it must have insidiously corrupted my work. I might have even shook my fist as I condemned the unseemly infiltration of profanity tainting my intentionally modest, wholesome fare. It was quite the illusion.
Roy is between a rock and a hard place. How can he possibly survive in this writer-eat-writer jungle when he is stripped of what are apparently the primary tools of the writing trade — cuss-words and explicit content? I get the impression that Roy, who has three daughters and an opinionated wife, does not use this kind of language in his everyday life. But for some reason, he feels like he has to to get clicks on a website for writers.
You’ve heard of Medium unicorns. I’m a different kind of Medium unicorn. Behold, you see before you, the Medium reader who is actually put off by getting cussed out article after article after article.*
Before you start to say (as I’ve seen many and many a Medium and Twitter user say), “If you don’t like my ******* language, unfollow me!”, please note that I am writing this in an article about my perspective on swearing, not in a comment on your writing. And believe me, if you ******* language is pervasive enough, and there’s no quality of writing to justify it, rest assured, I certainly will do just that.
Because for me, it’s like a joke that was never funny in the first place and now has gotten, really
really
really
really
old (much like unconventional paragraphing).
I’m going to share something with you about my reading habits. I have hovered over the green heart many and many a time, ready to recommend a piece that I thought had real merit and good writing, but changed my mind when I saw it fall back on pointless curse-words that did nothing to serve what the author was saying. If I see an article that has a curse word in the title, you better believe I won’t be clicking on it.
The thing about curse-words is, as their name suggests, they are intended to be offensive. As a reader, when I see one of those words, I can only assume that the writer is intending to offend me. You can say I’m taking it the wrong way, and it’s totally possible that that was not how you intended it, but the fact remains that the purpose of curse words is to curse. Using curse words and then acting wounded when people are offended is like slapping them in the face and saying, “Can’t you take a joke?!” when they get mad.
So the question is, why are curse-words so effective (as they undeniably are) at getting readers’ attention?
Similar to slapping someone in the face, curse-words create emotional sensation. Good writing should create sensation — and I mean that in a very literal way. Good writing can produce a wide spectrum of different sensations: amusement, sorrow, joy, nostalgia, guilt, fear, anger … the list goes on. It’s as deep and wide as the human experience. But good writing is hard. Know what’s easy? Using curse-words. Sure, the sensation you’re creating is severely limited and mostly painful, but at least it’s something, and to someone who is in a state of perpetual numbness, even pain can be a welcome sensation. It’s like people who do the polar bear challenge just to feel alive. It’s like people who pour Sriracha sauce on everything they eat so that they never, God forbid, actually taste anything besides the tongue-punishing torture of burning pain.**
I think we can do better.
And Roy, I’m going to keep reading you. Because I didn’t show up for the f-bombs. I showed up for your writing.
*OK in the spirit of full disclosure I have to confess to using the term “bad-ass”, but seriously, I have spent literally hours of my life trying to come up with a suitable synonym for it and have never hit on one that I was happy with. If you’ve got suggestions, I’m all ears.
**This, by the way, is an accurate description of exactly how I eat. I’m trying to quit but they don’t have any “Sriracha Anonymous” chapters here in the Portland area.
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