Does indifference feed the attraction?
And why are we so receptive to it?
Don’t lie. We all did it.
To immerse ourselves in this toxic relationship that mixes passivity and selflessness. This latency affects us so much.
I like to draw a parallel between Love and the professional world. I find that there are some similarities at times. Don’t you think so
Indifference as a challenge.
Whether we like it or not, it turns out that we are somewhat dependent on this indifference. Because somewhere, it is as if it is a challenge to be taken up.
We persist in proving to the other (to ourselves?) that we are really worthwhile and that he or she must lean to the other side (choose your scenario: accept the deal, hire you, go out with you, have a relationship with you…).
A lot of energy for such an uncertain purpose.
Let’s not be fatalistic, sometimes it pays off. The trick is to be lucid about the context, the stakes, and the “means” implemented to do so. We must measure one’s energy so that one’s investment is profitable and wasting as little as possible.
Otherwise, our self-confidence is altered and we have to start from scratch.
And we know how fragile our self-confidence is sometimes. Especially when indifference takes place…
Life is full of risks, of course. But is challenging oneself to defy someone’s indifference towards it a risk to be taken?
Indifference adds mystery.
We focus more on a sentimental chapter here. Or it’s because the professional side has taken a wrong turn…!
Despite us, we find indifference attractive. We shape indifference with this image of the dark brown who hides his feelings out of modesty (too much?).
We like this dose of mystery at the beginning of the meeting. This mystery hovers and that pushes us to make efforts to get to know the person. It can be challenging, once again, and it’s part of the game of seduction. Something is exciting about it.
But this attraction poses quite a problem for us all things considered. We want it in the (very) short term, then we get tired of it and it becomes energy-consuming.
It is necessary to know how to read the signals to be able to distinguish mystery and modesty from indifference and disinterest. We’ll talk about this later, don’t worry.
All the more, some people like to use the magic of mystery as an argument to manipulate us smoothly… Anyways. Let's be careful and realistic without being defeatist and fatalistic, okay guys? Bad persons aren’t on all sides #staypositive.
Personally, I find the mystery sexy in the look, but especially in the fiction. Not in reality. The mystery is too much to handle. Excitement gives way to frustration. And that’s not why we’re here, is it?
What I think of indifference.
No-fuss between us.
From the top of my early thirties and my various sentimental and professional experiences where I could meet (undergo) indifference, I would say that… I decided that I didn’t have the energy for that anymore.
Giving importance to indifference is a waste of time.
It’s also a way of burying our heads in the sand.
But beware. You have to try and not admit defeat at the first signs.
I rather am a determined nature, and I think that if you give value to a person or a company, a position, it’s worth taking your chance. To understand the context, to persevere a bit.
It’s all about not falling into the pattern of someone who is in demand. Because let’s face it, it’s not the most attractive thing we can find in someone.
But falling into the trap of making this impalpable indifference disappear, we can sometimes get lost in it (and getting lost in short).
The balance is barely perceptible between not trying and trying too much, I grant you. I’ve fallen into both before I knew how to gauge.
My advice to gauge indifference without getting lost.
I think different signals can put you on the track (and to get the hint):
1. Be alert to non-verbal communication.
One can do it without falling into a Patrick Jane style analysis and wrinkle all the features of his face.
Try to perceive an interest for you in the way he or she looks at you, the way he or she smiles, the words he or she chooses.
In the sentimental environment, if the person does not turn out to be a little embarrassed, it is also because he or she may be intimidated by your presence, and therefore give you the importance you expect. (Or maybe you’re just embarrassing in other ways, but that’s another problem).
2. Be proactive.
If like me, your energy is precious and needs to be optimized, then you need to know (quickly) where you are going.
And passivity and waiting will not help you to perceive this interest.
For my part, I like to show both in my non-verbal communication and in my words or actions that I am interested in (without passing for someone insistent or abrupt for all that, well I hope…). Again, whether it’s for a company or my crush.
For a position, you can, for example, take the lead by sending a presentation that can be perceived as a teaser about your ability to analyze the company’s challenges. For the record, this proactivity allowed me to be in the top 6 among 2000 candidates for a large luxury company.
Being proactive pays off both ways.
3. Know your boundaries.
Very important this one. We tend to minimize it and then who suffers? Self-confidence
To know one’s boundaries is to know one’s limits, one’s values, one’s value in this case. It is knowing how to withdraw before the other one disrespects us.
And if there is a growing interest, we know that we tend to push these boundaries.
But I assure you, when we stick to your boundaries, you preserve yourself much more than you think.
Maybe we have to go through some (crash) test phases before we stick to them (once and for all).
We can simply start by listing them on a small note on our phone, and check them regularly to fully remember them.
4. Knowing when to stop.
And at times, one must also admit defeat.
In this case, defeat does not mean losing.
If your boundaries have been respected, standing back may affect your ego a little, but it will only be for a short time. Preserving your self-confidence remains a priority to be able to bounce back to other projects or other encounters.
Give yourself a number. If after two inconclusive returns (two “hearts” on your questions, two “reads”, two ghosts…), let go and choose to put your energy elsewhere, with people who really care about you. Two, not three. Because from three, we’ll appear as needy.
Sometimes you just have to admit that the other person is not interested in you. And that doesn’t matter. In fact, it only becomes serious when you dwell on this disinterest and you don’t want to let go.
Not everyone matches with everyone.
In these moments, it’s good to surround yourself with people who truly know our value, to boost your ego a little after this defeat, and go out a winner!
Let’s stay focused on our value and everything will be fine.
You may like more of my articles on this thematic:
Love and the digital world: the contemporary dilemma.
Does the digital world encourage Love or is Love becoming governed by technology?
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