Picard is back, and if they bring Q back, dammit…
On the way to work today I was thinking about how I really wish there were more Picard and Q episodes. It’s a thought I often have. Today, however, the thought was accompanied by the realization that there might be more Picard and Q episodes, since we now know there will be more Picard episodes.
I could write the shit out of that episode.
I hope they trawl the fan fiction forums and find mine and are like WE HAVE OUR WRITER and contact me. There’s probably one other writer that they would go for, and she would do a good job too, but maybe she’s dead.
Maybe I should just write that episode for the hell of it, since of course I will never be the writer of such an episode for really-realz.
I would recast Q. There was an actor I saw once who I thought, “That is how a recast young Q should look,” but I can’t remember who he is or where I saw him, and Googling “actors with big eyes” is no help. But he was clean cut, had big eyes, did the quizzical, big-eyed look to perfection, brown hair, more handsome but whatever.
He looked kind of like a young Dominic Cooper. But his voice was smoother than Mr. Cooper’s. And he’d be the right age about now.
If I recast Q, I would have a moment where Q is talking to Picard without Picard knowing. But then, without Q saying or doing much at all to give it away, Picard would know.
Like they’d be in Ten Forward celebrating something, and Picard would be standing by himself (writing problem, will solve later), and Q would come up to him in Starfleet garb with an ensign’s rank — still taller of course — and he would talk about whatever was being celebrated. Say if some ambassador is having his 100th birthday party.
“100 years old. That’s nothing for some species,” Q would say.
“We judge ourselves by our own standards or we’d never find much to celebrate, Ensign.” Picard would glance to see the rank but double-take the face, because subconsciously he’d be triggered that the ensign isn’t even looking at him, is fixated on the celebration. And he meant the “Ensign” as a soft rebuke. But the rebuke doesn’t take.
(Already bad screenwriting, giving actors direction.)
Q would reply. “‘By our own standards.’ But not when it comes to the Volian colonists. You’re mining 9 parts euridium for every 1 part you leave in place. You have no idea what the absence of that euridium will do to their children’s children, nor would you ever allow such a thing in a Federation colony.” (You know, some reference to the A plot.)
Now Picard will turn to look at him fully. “They’ve expressed no interest in the euridium and they’re being fairly compensated. We trade with Federation colonies as well.”
“But you felt guilty just enough to demand the Federation leave them something. Isn’t that interesting. Something to celebrate perhaps, that wink to your own standards?”
Picard’s annoyance rises. Who is this ensign to judge him? Activists such as this did not get assigned to the Enterprise. And that’s when it clicks. It’s in the ensign’s focus, in the angle of his jaw, in the straight-backed way he holds himself. It’s in Picard’s annoyance too, of course. There were few who could so effortlessly call it into being.
“Q,” he’ll say with quiet surprise.
And Q will be impressed Picard saw it so quickly. Smoothly but not slowly, he’ll turn his head toward Picard, seeing him with human eyes for the first time in 20 years. And the curiosity he observes in Picard’s expression, the tiniest hint of awe and reverence, the confidence with which Picard had asserted “Q”? Q will wonder if Picard had anticipated this, this change of costume so to speak, and the possibility of that will make him smirk in spite of himself.
And from the smirk Picard will know.
“What are you doing here, Q?”
“I thought it would take you longer than that, Jean-Luc. I’m impressed.” He’ll scratch his neck where the pips are, and four will be there now, his usual captain’s rank. “I hope you can forgive that bit of subterfuge,” he says of the pips. The joke being it’s a different fucking actor.
“This is about the euridium? Of course it isn’t, how could I forget. You can never just tell me why you’re here. It’s always parlor tricks and disguises.”
“It is about the eurydium. But you’re right, I can’t just tell you why. Aren’t you happy to see me? Where’s Data, he could tell us how long it’s been.”
Some shitty writer will have Picard question Q’s change of appearance fucking immediately. IMMEDIATELY. But while Picard would ask about it eventually, he’d be more concerned about his crew and his job first of all.
So anyway I would write the shit out of it.
Not that it couldn’t improve with collaboration and edits. For instance, on the screen Picard realizing it’s Q would probably need to be more protracted than this.
In the meantime I’m sure if they ever do this episode it’s going to suck. It’s going to destroy me. I hope they don’t. I think that’s why my brain hasn’t let me imagine the outcome until today.
