mind block

context:

When we’re confronted with negative experiences, we want to analyze them and think about them and remember them for future use. But with positive emotions, we often just feel them and enjoy them, which is wonderful, but also leads to us putting less weight on them and it seems like they take up less space in our minds.

(Hank Green)

Negative emotions are hard for me to write about. I like writing about moments that make my heart feel a little bigger, or days where the sun seems to shine a little brighter. I like writing about being happy.

If I’m writing about something negative, it’s because I have some thoughts on the matter. It’s to declutter my brain when I start to feel heavy. The truth about a lot of negativity in my life however, is that most of the time I don’t have much to say about the shit. It’s just shitty and I don’t know what to do about it. In these situations, writing only makes it all heavier.

Negativity that you can’t talk yourself out of is so fucking uncomfortable. It just sits there and mocks you while you feel like shit. If I write about bad feelings and end up taking them in no new direction, it feels like running in these circles. It’s tiring. You’re doing all this thinking but you’re not thinking about it any better than before. You’re just thinking about it more than before.

My solution? Try to ignore it as much as possible.

It’s not the best way, but it keeps me sane.