I Miss Summer

… and childhood.

All I want to do is sit on my back porch to soak in the sun, moon, stars, wind, and rain. You can tell that I'm a summer baby:anything below 80 degrees is the equivalent of winter. Right now I'm stuck behind a desk,wearing excess layers of clothing,in an airconditioned office. Officially I answer phone calls and do reports all day,but I spend my time wishing I was outside absorbing the warmth and smells of summer until the cold fall/winter/spring that takes up 9 months of the year forces me back into my hibernation cave (aka house).

I grew up in Southern Utah, and am no longer living as close to the equator as once did. I miss the blossoms that began in February and the leaves that didn't fall until the end of November. I miss the 100+ dry heat temperatures. I miss the scorching pavement that forced adults to wear shoes because they didn't build up the calluses my elementary-aged feet used to have.

I miss ice cream trucks, sprinklers, splashing in the sprinkler run-off/gutter water, and being tan without trying. I miss the stark blond streaks starting at my temples that my hair used to get from ponytail wearing. I miss summer break, braces with the colors of the nearest holiday, and my glasses with the rainbows on the frames.

I miss eleven-year-old me.

Vacation and traveling can only recreate a portion of the freedom I felt at that age. I was only self conscious enough to know that braces and glasses were nerdy because kids teased me about them, but not so worried about self image that I wouldn't run around in only my one-piece swimsuit in the sprinklers with my younger siblings all day.

When I was a kid I never realized what it would be like to grow up. I understood what it was to be a kid and that someday I would be a grandma, but how I transitioned from one to the other was a mystery to me. Now I see growing up is just a melting sticky mess. My life is a melting popsicle, it still holds flavor, but the texture and shape are not what they used to be.

In about 2 weeks days I will turn 30. Perhaps I am depressed about getting older with a long road ahead of me until I reach the ending role I will have: grandma-hood. However, I also think that this is the perfect time to reflect back on all that I took for granted as a child. So here’s to my once tan legs, freckled cheeks, sun-bleached streaks, and memories of a happy childhood of summers.