Why You Must Be Broken

A few years ago, my mom had a surgery-gone-bad. After another emergency surgery that was dicey at best, she lie teetering in a doctor-induced coma on the edge of survival for a month. Her diagnosis was such that internally I began to prepare.

It was one of my most difficult times. I pushed through daily life routines in spite of my walking terror and impulse to hide and throw myself in despair. If I forgot for a moment, it would all flood my consciousness again and the aching pit in my stomach would reappear.

I had to stifle the tears and hide my doubts so my dad could see me stand tall and believe in the fabricated mask of hope that I wore. My chest would burst anytime the phone rang. Those days I existed purely on autopilot fueled by a steady stream of adrenaline.

But mom was a hell of a fighter. She wasn’t done being a mother, wife and lover of the world. There were countless close calls in that two-month stretch, but she defied the knock on her door to step up to her comeback.

When I look back, I can’t actually believe that I made it through that time. It’s almost as if a different person took over my body and I simply watched on. I accessed a strength to charge through each day and make decisions for my family in a way I never knew I had.

And now? I made it through. And the strength I know I can access when things get really hard or painful… I know exists.

In reflection, it’s clear all my life challenges have given me the ability to pull from somewhere deeper, act and move forward in the face of it. My struggle has been my gift and prepared me to face difficulty and fear.

I think of what my life would be if I removed these pieces. Where would I be without my darkness?

When we are broken, we have an opportunity to explore. We examine the edges in ourselves we’ve never seen, questioning each newly revealed place and understanding how it got there.

Only through our darkness can we stand still long enough to find our new answers.

We have a choice to rebuild ourselves, mending each shattered piece and strengthening each crack.
We have an opportunity to fight our way back, confronting our doubts and fears and revealing an undiscovered voice.
We have a reason to exponentially grow, sitting outside of our comfort and stepping up to life’s largest tests.

When you realize failure and being broken are essential, you accept them as gifts and proceed onward.

That’s the battle, the difference between who we were, are and who we can be?
The courage to move forward.

The very things that build our strength, give us gratitude and shift our perspectives are disguised under what we call adversity, cleverly packaged so few will try to unwrap it. In adversity lies the universe’s “call to action”, an equalizer where we have a chance to rise up, connect with our deepest selves and live and teach life’s greatest lessons.

No other way can I rebuild into a stronger version of myself.

No other way can I deeply connect with others who have gone through pain, ache and trepidation but to have experienced them myself. In that moment, I live a shared experience so deeply profound, finding another person’s emotions in myself and mine in them. It’s as if those difficult times are worth the opportunity to meld with another person on this transcendent level.

Acknowledging these times and redefining my need for them, I began to ask the universe for its next test. Now, I’m not asking for bad things to happen, but fearlessly inviting my next hurdle was unchaining. It’s as if I insisted that life give me what it will with a strength and confidence to surge forward to it, knowing that for reasons I may not presently grasp, I needed whatever was next.

Because
I have survived having my heart broken.
I have bounced back from failures.
I have triumphed adversity.

And each trial has strengthened me, emboldened me
to go for larger
to try again
to not back down
to rip away the fear.

Choose these challenges.