You probably have nothing to hide (in context).

You may well believe you have nothing to hide, but this belief only exists because you know the context of your behaviors. Without that context, I promise there’s lots you’d rather keep hidden.

How do I know? Dating.

Think back to the last first date you went on and the show you put on. If you were heartbroken from a previous relationship, you either didn't bring it up or you didn't land that second date. Ditto if you lived in your parent’s basement or with roommates that smell of day old fish.

On the first date it’s all about the first impression - your goal is to convince the other person that you’re not a serial killer. Anything that’s slightly off might be misconstrued as a sign you've got a rack of sharpened cleavers at home.

The best example I can give is that I have a sort of weird phobia about sharp objects near my eye. I call it a phobia because it generates a strong physical reaction I can’t control. I blame it on being a younger brother on the receiving of the occasional eye-level projectile.

Now, this came out, I believe, on my third date with a young lady who is now my wife. I was driving the car and she pointed at something across my view. I grabbed her finger, pulled it down, and said somewhat harshly “Don’t point at my eyes.” (I didn’t really feel like crashing a car that day)

This story, while it’s now told as a quirky anecdote, pretty much freaked her out.

The thing is, my weird eye thing is such a small part of my personality as to almost not be there (I notice it maybe a once a month these days) - but without the context of what an awesome guy (sic.) I actually am, I imagine it was pretty off-putting.

(Now, being a taller man with a balding/shaved head and a large beard, I may be at a disadvantage on the “not a creepy guy” scale, but that’s a personal choice thank you very much)

Which brings us back to Uncle Sam.

Almost any interaction with the government is like a first date where the girl knows about your weird phobia, but nothing else. The IRS isn’t looking to give you an award for “best taxes” - they’re auditing you because something looks fishy. That judge isn't sitting there to give you a commendation - he’s in front of you because there’s an accusation of guilt.

We just spent the past month and a bit buying and moving into a new house in a slightly more rural area than Boston’s North End. As we have a dog who will be running free, I’m a little concerned with him getting shot, so I’ve spent the past month trying to determine what the gun and hunting laws are in our new town. Combine that with my sudden, newfound interest in fertilizer and wood chippers as we clean up the exterior of our property, remove the context, & give the whole search history to the government, and I’m obviously due for a visit from some men in black.

So like I said - you know you, but the government, with all its automatically-collated but non-contextual meta-data, does not. The less they think they know about me the better.