Chuck Lorre
Maybe you should stop writing those vanity cards
At the end of tonight’s Big Bang Theory episode, I read yet another Chuck Lorre vanity card. Normally they’re funny and sometimes insightful. But lately they’ve begun to tackle political issues, so I thought it might be interesting to write some responses to a few of them. So let’s do it. First up—#431.
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #431
I’m concerned that the infrared beam which triggers public toilets to flush might cause cancer.
I’m considering getting a Twitter account so I can have a way to express my innermost thoughts to strangers.
I’m confused as to why a poorly designed web site means affordable health care is a bad idea.
I’m thinking of writing a children’s story about a leaf on a tree who arrogantly insists he’s a self-made, independent leaf. Then one day a fierce wind blows him off his branch and to the ground below. As his life slowly ebbs away, he looks up at the magnificent old tree that had been his home and realizes that he had never been on his own. His entire life he had been part of something bigger and more beautiful than anything he could have imagined. In a blinding flash, he awakens from the delusion of self. Then an arrogant, self-centered kid rakes him up and bags him.
I’m wondering if maybe I should stop writing these freakin’ vanity cards.
I’ll go through them point by point. First up, infrared toilet beams. While funny, I would have thought that most people know that the sun generates massive amounts of IR light. Just look up infrared photography.
Next up, “affordable” health care. Most people would argue that if the government can bungle something as simple as a website—even a complex website is relatively simple compared to health care and its regulations—how could it possibly handle health care? And what’s affordable about this health care? Most people’s costs have risen commensurate with the law. I wouldn’t expect a big Hollywood producer to understand or notice something that probably costs him relatively little compared to his income. My costs will likely double if not triple. I wouldn’t call that at all affordable, especially since it has doubled already since the passing of the law. Trust me Chuck, this isn’t helping most of us. It’s an undue burden to those of us that work to pay for things like health care.
Ah yes, let’s defend Obama’s comment about people helping you to get where you are. While nearly anyone can thank society or humankind as a whole for helping us to be who were are, we probably shouldn’t gloss over everything else as if everything anyone does is helpful to us. What about what I just wrote about the other day? Surely there are some people and entities that also serve to hold us back in some fashion. But of course, the government can’t do anything wrong—especially with Democrats in the lead—right?
And is it impossible for someone to be self-made? Sure, everyone has help but some people have tons of help—perhaps too much. I disagree with the implied assertion that those who were given tons of help deserve the same respect as those who succeeded with little help. Self-made doesn’t mean that they didn’t have assistance, it just means they mostly did it on their own. Even society itself has help.
Maybe you should stop writing these vanity cards.
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #425
Perhaps I’ve read too much science fiction, but I can’t help thinking that the way out of this protracted battle over universal health care is a good ol’ Edgar Allan Poe/Michael Crichton-style plague. Who’s going to bicker over access to medical care or insurance deductibles if one wet cough from a busboy kills all the rack o’ lamb-eating small government advocates in the restaurant? Who’s going to fight against pre-existing condition coverage when it becomes frighteningly clear that we are all, rich and poor, smart and stupid, cute and inbred, swimming in the exact same bacterial soup? I’m betting no one. Because when that day happens, helping a sick person get well will not be an act of mercy or generosity. It will be the very definition of selfishness. And if history has taught us anything, selfishness rocks the casbah. Of course, there is plenty of sci-fi literature that takes this story down an even darker path. It involves everyone with a wet cough getting rounded up at gunpoint and trucked into “rehabilitation camps” in North Dakota. A privileged young man, raised on rack o’ lamb, sees their suffering and sacrifices himself in order to lead them to a free clinic in Canada. When things are looking particularly grim in their march out of viral bondage, a small government advocate smiles cruelly and says to the young man, “Where’s your health insurance now, Moses?”
So yeah, uh, many of the parts of Obamacare were actually agreed upon by both sides—like banning pre-existing conditions exemptions.
I take exception with your branding of the “small government advocate” as some sort of cruel hater of humanity. We small government advocates just have a different belief system—one with proven ability to actually foster prosperity for the largest number of people. So I don’t really see how wanting the majority of people to be prosperous is somehow akin to wanting everyone to die.
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’ve ignored everything after my side comment. You’re wondering what data actually proves that small government leads to prosperity. And to that I say, look at Hong Kong. Hell, look at the countries on this list. There are many countries listed above us, and a few of them even have that universal health care you want. It’s probably a lot easier to afford when you’re growing GDP versus spending.
If you want an even better example, look at the United States pre-1900. There’s a lot of good stuff there, and we didn’t have to tax ourselves to death to accomplish things. Hell, we even had a large amount of private transportation systems. There were actually a lot of private systems that people today think are only possible under the purview of government. But you’re clearly right, I mean the larger the government has grown through Bush and Obama (and many administrations before them) the more prosperous we’ve all become. Oh wait.
